Do you spend the whole day fretting over what to wear in session and whether you’ll be “clean enough?” Or perhaps you’re one of those corporate mavericks who has just barely squeezed in time to see your Domme, leaving you thoroughly unprepared in your private regions. I am here to help guide both types of man. Though I MUCH PREFER THE FORMER. I encourage you to take notes here and implement my advice–your Domme will thank me!

CLOTHING: DATE ATTIRE. Everyone has a life, and you can’t always plan out and pack every outfit you’ll need during the day. Think of it this way though: if you had a hot date that you didn’t pay money for would you show up in a ratty t-shirt? I think not. And a session is even more high-stakes than a date in some respects. You’ve already put down cash just to walk through this woman’s door, you might as well go one step further and show up in a clean, classy outfit. This can include t-shirt and jeans if it’s “hip” and you can pull it off; a suit if you’re coming straight from the office; business casual if it’s your day off; your police uniform if you just finished a shift (hot); sweater and slacks if it’s cold, etc. Now of course there are exceptions to every rule: I have had some of my younger slaves show up in skate shoes and a tank top, but these are boys whose bodies wear themselves and have not yet fallen victim to the ravages of time, marriage, and stress eating. The following outfit choices are NOT OKAY: anything with stains; fraying or ripped clothes; smelly socks or socks with holes; going no-sock when you really fucking need socks; shirts with my face on them (actually, no, I like that); gym clothes; a wife beater; shirts with other womens’ faces on them. If your clothes need ironing: iron them! If they’re dirty, change! If you need some personal styling, ask me! I love giving men makeovers. Basically: do the best you can to wear what you look best in. Make an effort. You would usually dress up for a job interview, a date, or a party–this is like the best of all of those things. Plus I always compliment an outfit I really like. Help me like you more!

SMELL/BODY ODOR: CLEAN. I shouldn’t have to be typing this. Most people don’t have a problem with their own body odor, actually, but the few instances where I’ve been subjected to a person’s stench have been traumatic enough that I must outline some protocol here for the benefit of the world. Try to shower before you set out for your session, even if it’s just at your local gym on the way there. If you need a shower when you arrive, make sure you build in time to shower before the session starts and always ask the Domme beforehand if it’s okay to arrive a few minutes early in order to shower. She might not be able to accommodate your request, but at least you’ve communicated your stinky need. Cologne is nice, if it’s nice cologne. Deodorant is non-negotiable. Most large private studios (like mine) will have communal deodorant available.

UNDERWEAR: CLEAN AND NEW-ISH. Bad or poorly maintained underwear will cause me to ridicule you mercilessly in my head, or aloud, and possibly make a note of it in my address book. All of the following are NOT OKAY for underwear: holes, rips, tears, fraying edges, skid marks, your full name, random discolored patches, stains, or little kids’ handwriting. If you wear tighty-whiteys, make sure they are still white and not gray or yellow with time. Did I mention skid marks? Yeah. No.

TEETH: RECENTLY BRUSHED. I remember vividly an older client who showed up for a gangbang scene. When he cracked his mouth open for the first time, I’m pretty sure most of his breakfast was still between his teeth. And debris from breakfasts of the past twenty years as well. It was like The Land Before Time, but with plaque. It felt truly embarrassed and horrified, though by then we had already jumped in and it was too late to say anything; I just prayed the studs weren’t going to be looking too much at his face. Please, please, brush your teeth and if possible floss. Cleaning your teeth a minimum of three hours before the session is appropriate.

BREATH: FRESH OR NEUTRAL. It happens to all of us! A rich meal, a long day, or a leftover cold can all lead to a temporary case of bad breath. It’s not a crime. But not dealing with it is! You can eat a mint, chew some gum, or bring some mouthwash to use in the bathroom. Most large private studios (like mine) have communal mouthwash. If you find your bad breath is a recurring theme, maybe you have halitosis! If so, you should be chewing gum for the whole session. I would much rather you tell me you have a case of bad breath and ask to chew gum than discover it myself and have to shove a piece in your mouth. Halitosis is usually a sign of other health issues (or psychological blocks, but I won’t get into that!) so in the long-term I hope you’re investigating it. In the short-term, take action. And for God’s sake don’t exhale right in my face, whether you’re fresh or not. It’s just rude.

HEAD HAIR: TIDY. I leave a lot of room for creativity here. I’ve Dommed everything from totally bald to mullet–I don’t mind. It’s what’s under the hair that counts! Except if you have dandruff. If that’s an issue for you please wash your hair the morning of the session with some anti-dandruff shampoo, and try not to play with it too much throughout the day. If you have a serious dandruff problem, feel free to ask me to wear a hat during the session. I will not make fun of you–I will thank you. For you style icons, extensive product use may stain or ruin expensive gear, so don’t go crazy with the pomade.

BODY HAIR: TRIM/WAXED. In my ideal world every slave’s body would look like this: waxed back and shoulders, waxed asshole/crack, trimmed underarms, neatly trimmed or bare chest, neatly trimmed or bare stomach, no beard (I hate beards, though stubble is sexy up to maybe a week’s worth of growth), stray eyebrow hairs trimmed, ear hairs trimmed, nose hair trimmed, moles de-haired (I never thought I would have to write those words), arms and legs as normal. Cross-dressers may shave their legs and arms as desired. Phew! That’s a lot of hair. I actually feel disgusting now that I’ve typed it all out. If it sounds like a lot of gross, tedious work, imagine how I feel looking at it all! So please, save me the trouble. The more attracted I am to you, the better session we will have. Plus hair can really get in the way of certain activities. Have you ever spent 30 minutes trying to get candle wax out of your nipple hair, or gotten your stomach fuzz caught in a bodybag? It’s for your own safety (but really, my superficial whims) that I ask you to deal with your body hair properly.

GENITAL HAIR: TRIM. Now I know that every woman has different standards for men’s hair, especially genital hair, but this is MY BLOG so if you want to know what other women think, go ask them! The first thing worth noting is that I hate it when guys shave around their genitals completely. I think it looks weird and doesn’t appeal to me at all sexually. There is an exception for sissies, trannies, adult babies, anyone who’s heavily into age play, and heavy latex lovers. However, in the first four instances I’m not really viewing you sexually anyway and having a shaved genital region actually helps both of us get into it more. With heavy latex lovers it just helps you not chafe and feels better on your skin–but usually you’re encased in latex anyway so I’m not looking much at your cock. For everyone else who is not a tranny, sissie, latex lover or age player, no need to shave. Trimming is great and leaving between an eighth-inch and quarter-inch of hair is perfect. You can shave if it’s about a week before a session, but then let it grow in afterwards so that you have a bit on you when you see me. There is an exception here if you have a massively hairy cock. Hey, I’ve seen it. I’ve even dated it. It’s not a deal breaker. But like so many other things, it’s all in how you manage it. You should absolutely shave your dick if the shaft itself is hairy. And if your balls are massively hairy and you prefer them shorn for CBT, shave away. But neatly trimmed balls are fine by me as well. One thing that is NOT OKAY is a huge forest of pubes, both for aesthetic and practical reasons. I find it a rather neanderthal practice in general, and it makes it very easy to cause great pain when locking you in chastity or attaching cock rings or ball weights. You might stubbornly declare it a red flag to your partner if you suddenly start man-scaping after 10 years of marriage, but that is a total cop-out. Why not benefit BOTH me and your wife by taking better care of yourself? She will thank me! (Well, maybe not at first. But deep down.) You can gradually introduce the idea to her that you want to “look better for her [me]” and make her [me] more attracted to you, and start styling your cock a bit more for her [me] to make your sex [submission] more enjoyable for everyone. As long as you don’t leave your email open, I’m sure only good things can come of it.

ASSHOLES: SPOTLESS. I would say about %50 of the assholes I see have those awful little tiny bits of toilet paper clinging to them. Nice effort boys, but there’s no substitute for a good shower. I will take toilet paper bits over shit bits any day though. I don’t think I need to spell out the hierarchy of gross here….but I will anyway. In order from absolute worst to best:

  1. Asshole has clingy bits of turd stuck to it, and/or brown discoloration and smears.
  2. Asshole has no sign of turd, but has loads of toilet paper bits.
  3. Asshole has minimal toilet paper bits, possibly some other fluff or debris. Most likely because the slave has not waxed (see above).
  4. Asshole has no hair and no debris. Smells and looks clean.
  5. Asshole is hairless and bleached. Smells and looks like I could eat off it. Though I wouldn’t. Ever.

DICKS: IMMACULATE. Clean your cock thoroughly the day of your session in the shower or bath. If needed, give it a quick rinse in the men’s room before you set off as well, and if really needed, wash yourself in the bathroom when you arrive. This means rinsing around the head of the cock, as well as the shaft and the balls. If you can smell your cock, that is a bad sign. That means you need to wash it again and better. If you have a herpes blister, HPV bump, or other STD that you are treating, PLEASE MENTION IT. This is less a cleanliness issue and more just a moral one, but I will then be extra careful to use gloves with you at all times so as not to put myself in danger. I have had friends get STD’s from hand to genital contact and with the intimacy of BDSM it is very easy to find yourself in a viralisk scenario. It’s domination and submission, a charged environment, you never know who could get excited and touch themselves in the heat of the moment (guilty once or twice). I am very cautious about sanitizing tools and toys, but you should do your part and always state any infections or viruses upfront. The vast majority of the time I will still see you in session. If you are not upfront  have some sort of obvious STD marking or infection on your cock, I will see it anyway and will definitely note it in my address book for future sessions and probably ask you about it.

FEET: CLEAN AND NOT SMELLY. Pretty basic. If you have a chronic foot-stench issue (on you, not on me), please just keep your socks on for the duration of the session and seek longterm treatment from a doctor.

FINGERNAILS/TOENAILS: SHORT. Nine out of ten men do not cut their finger or toenails often enough. Even every three days is not too much in my opinion. I have been inadvertently cut to the point of bleeding by both finger and toenails on my slaves. Save me the embarrassment of ending our session early due to flesh-wound. Cut your damn nails. And men: it is not good enough to just do the lazy one-two clip on your fingers leaving that jagged, pointy triangle at the end. Spend the extra three minutes and file them down gently when you’re done cutting. I go once every two weeks to a professional nail salon and have both my fingers and toes done, plus pumicing in my shower in between salon trips. Surely you can cut and file for yourself once a week! That includes both hands and feet. Just hands is not enough. As a straight male, the sin of having too-long toenails is so great that it actually changes the way I think about you. It can turn a sexy, fuckable hunk into a thoughtless troll instantly, and I’m not the only woman who feels this way. Do we look at your feet? Yes! Even if they’re ugly feet? Yes! So take care of them.

SHIT AND PISS: A NECESSARY EVIL. Would you shit at a woman’s house on a first, second or third date? Or in the company restroom where you are interviewing for a job? Well, I guess some of you would. I wouldn’t. But sometimes shit literally happens. If you arrive for your session and are overtaken by the need to poop, please excuse yourself to your Domme and ask if you can use the bathroom for a few minutes. This will clue her in to not hang around the bathroom door (sometimes necessary, depending on the location) and to give the bathroom a wide berth when you’re done. If you have to simply pee when you arrive, or at the end of your session, no problem. Again, simply ask to use the bathroom quickly before the session begins or right before you leave. In both cases, you need to do your absolute best to be clean before you emerge. If you are going to shit in my bathroom, my preference is for you to shower afterwards. Not only does it clear the air, it gives you a chance to wash up properly afterwards. And no need to crow about it if you do have a “meaningful moment” with my toilet. I’d rather not hear about it, thanks!

I promise you, if you follow the above guidelines I will ALWAYS BE GLAD TO SEE YOU. Because not only will you look and smell utterly perfect, but you will have followed my instructions and shown that you have enough motivation and courtesy to present yourself well. A good presentation belies other good qualities, the biggest of which is respect, both for yourself and for me. That is a huge turn-on. I like slaves who listen to me and try to make a good impression, who respect my nose and fingertips and eyesight enough to want to please all of my senses every time they are with me. And for those of you who have read this far and plan on implementing my suggestions, please do mention it when we speak. I want to know that my guidance is having some sort of positive effect, or at the very least that you learned something new. Looking forward to smelling you soon, my little pets.