Photo: Ian Reid. Goddesses: Mistress Darcy and Goddess Aviva. Slaves: random white dude and Bob Revolver.

Super Beginner BDSM

If you’re sick of boring dates that end in normal sex and are ready to jettison your dating life into warp speed, take a few hours to spruce up your photo collection and read the below. You’ll be kink-functional in no time. If you’re still vanilla-leaning and want to take it slow, just hint that you’re kink-curious on OKC, Tinder or Bumble (which is great for females who like to swipe but hate being inundated with idiotic messages). If you’re ready for the deep end, then sign up for some of the kinky dating and social networking sites out there like Fetlife and Whiplr.

Take note: there are a few terms you should know before you banter. There’s no shame in being a newbie. (It’s kind of hot, actually.) But these kinky phrases will fast-track your flirting and make sure you don’t look like a vanilla dork.

Just remember the golden rule of consent. If it’s not consensual, it’s not cool! Know the difference, educate yourself, and don’t break your playthings. Above and beyond that, pretty much anything goes. There are too many online dating sites available now for anyone to feel their sexual interests are singular. You name it, someone else is into it. Best of luck to you, and if you want to explore further after reading this article check out my advice for Finding Your BDSM Soulmate.

BDSM – The most politically correct and comprehensive term for kink. B stands for bondage, D stands for discipline, and SM stands for sadism and masochism. There’s an additional acronym within the term: DS means Dominance and submission. BDSM doesn’t have to involve sex or sex acts, though it’s usually erotic in some capacity.

Consent – The permission to receive or administer some form of BDSM activity, be it physical or nonphysical. Consent just means permission. It can be accomplished with something as simple as, “is it okay if I touch you/spank you/hug you/take off your undies?” Let the person give you a verbal “yes” to be 100% safe.

Scene – An erotic BDSM exchange of some sort. It can happen in private or public, with two people or dozens, and does not need to include sex. Scenes can vary greatly in intensity and are the kink equivalent of a hook-up.

Dominant – A person in power in a BDSM context. Also called a Dom or Domme. There’s a necessary psychological control or power hierarchy involved in Domming that extends past physical activities. Sometimes used interchangeably with topping.

Submissive – A person who gives up power in a BDSM context. Also called a sub or slave. Subbing is the flip side of Domming, and there’s a necessary psychological surrender involved. Sometimes used interchangeably with bottoming.

Switch – Someone who likes to both dominate and be dominated. It literally means being able to “switch” between the two roles. You can switch with the same partner, or be a Dom/me with one person and a sub with another. Preferences can depend entirely on whom you’re with and what you’re doing.

Top – A person who enjoys the physical aspects of giving BDSM without engaging in a great deal of psychological control. You can top someone while still viewing them as an “equal” when you’re topping them. Often related to sensual, service domination, or physical sadism without the psychological control.

Bottom – A person who enjoys the physical aspects of receiving BDSM without giving over to the psychological surrender of submission. You can bottom without viewing your top as “superior,” for instance, or be solely a masochist with no psychological surrender.

Bondage – The restraint of your partner’s body in an erotic or aesthetic context. Rope, chains, tape, and leather or latex accessories are common, though any object used in a restrictive manner is technically bondage.

Discipline – The act of controlling a submissive’s behavior with rules imposed by the Dom/me and subsequent rewards and punishments when those rules are obeyed or disobeyed. It can also be a catchall term for impact play, including spanking and corporal punishment. Discipline can refer to either a psychological or physical practice of disciplining someone, or both in one.

Sadism – Deriving stimulation from giving someone physical pain. People who enjoy inflicting emotional wounds or engaging in psychological edge play are sometimes called emotional sadists. (Yes it’s a thing, and when done properly can be very hot.) Most sadists identify as dominant in some capacity.

Masochism – Receiving stimulation from feeling physical pain in an erotic context. Masochists don’t necessarily identify as subs or bottoms—some dominants are masochists as well: it can be a purely physical pleasure.

D/s – Dominance and submission, capitalization for effect. This is a kind of relationship dynamic based on a mutual agreement of power exchange. The act of submitting to another mandates a consensual participation in a hierarchy of power with (temporary) inequality at its core, for the sake of the experience. The greater the difference in power, the “greater the high” for both partners. D/s can involve physical activities, but can also be completely psychological with no physical contact.

Limit/Hard Limit – Anything you or your partner absolutely does not want to do, or an activity that, for whatever reason, you “can’t handle.” By and large, hard limits should be honored 100% and never violated. No explanations need to be given for why something is a limit: It is simply taken as fact. Dom/mes can have hard limits as well as subs.

Safeword – A word (sometimes substituted for a gesture or sound) that indicates a submissive has reached his or her limit. Dominants can safeword as well, though it is much more common for a submissive to require a safeword as they are usually on the receiving end of the activity.

Aftercare – The period after a scene in which both parties recover from the activities in the scene. Typically a submissive will need more aftercare, but a dominant can and should receive attention as needed. Aftercare can last anywhere from a few moments up to a few months, depending on the intensity of the scene.

Unicorn – Any rare combination of erotic circumstances/traits. Traditionally an unattached, attractive female sought out by a kinky couple looking for a third partner. Everyone has their own version of a unicorn based on their interests.

Forced Bi – The consensual surrender of your will during a BDSM scene or dynamic in which a Dom/me “forces” you to engage in a homosexual experience of some sort. Illegal in New York if money changes hands. Fortunately, I have a lot of filthy friends.

I am doing a roundup of all my cock-sucking submissives in New York City right now. If you’re a slave and you think you’re up for the task, apply now to expose your deepest secrets under my guidance. Use my booking form and make sure you bring your best, most obedient self. Flakes and timewasters will be blocked and never hear from me again.

 

Hi slaves, good news. I’m back in New York for a few solid weeks and will be conducting sessions in my studio May 17-24, and then again from May 30 until June 15. If you wish to see me, please either email me (if you’ve contacted me before) or fill out my online booking form.

I will be reconnecting with my forced bi studs, my gigantic Bull, and my babygirl female slave, all of whom are ready and eager to jump into session with us.

My private studio is equipped with tools and toys for humiliation, roleplay, teasing, sadism, corporal punishment, spanking, feminization, and all the mind fucking you can bear.

Slaves: I am finally returning to Florida! Serve me at my hotel while I’m catching up with friends at Fetish Factory in Ft. Lauderdale, and then join me at one of the dungeon parties afterwards. It’s looking to be an extremely fun, sadistic weekend for me and my fellow Dom/mes.

In my suitcase I will have wicked tools for CBT, electric torture, feminization, sissy training, bondage, humiliation of all kinds, and my usual wardrobe choices of latex, leather and lingerie.

Book now to get on my calendar. I’m already very much in demand for this trip! www.mistressdarcy.com/booking

So excited to take a few days off in Colorado and get some fresh air. If any of you Colorado submissives want to see me, let me know asap and I might be able to make arrangements. I’m not in Colorado very often these days, but you’re always welcome to try to see me in Denver or Southern Colorado depending on where I’m traveling!

 

Unbelievably excited, honored, thrilled, horny, and proud to announce that I have a new Sardax portrait! It was commissioned for me by a lovely man who I met a few years back in London. We had instant chemistry, and a deep understanding of one another. He wanted to show his reverence with a very special gift, and decided that an original artwork by the world-renowned Sardax was the ideal way to do so. From that moment on, a masterpiece was born!

Sardax featured it in his recent four-part fairytale spread in a well-known Japanese fetish magazine, along with the gorgeous Mistress Eleise and a few other incredible Goddesses who happen to resemble classic storybook characters. I can’t wait to see the article!

Although a slave commissioned the portrait, he knows and respects my fondness for tall, hung studs. As a result, the handsome Prince Charming is depicted as my well-endowed hostage. When alpha takes on alpha, only one dominant will triumph! In my femdom opinion, the classic Snow White story should have ended with the woman in control regardless. Too many fairytales leave the woman powerless and reliant on a man to save her. Fortunately Sardax has given us a chance to rewrite history.

For you fairytale fans, here’s one of his previous works with my friend Alice Malice, who posed for a four-part Alice in Wonderland spread. I couldn’t be more pleased with how mine turned out, and feel honored to be in such esteemed company. Thank you Sardax for another incredible piece!

 

Hello my little empire, I’m back in my heart’s home, London, for a few days in May. I can’t WAIT to show you how sadistic I’ve been feeling lately. Mercury only goes out of retrograde the day I arrive, so I will be doing lots of caning, whipping, paddling, flogging, spanking, tormenting, crushing and trampling. It’s been that kind of month.

If you’re ready to take a vacation for a day, book your time with me. I’m not in town all that often, and I know some of you are utterly desperate to see me again. And for you new faces, I’m completely thrilled to beat you. I mean meet you. Cheers!

Hello slaves! A flying journey into LA for a few days. Looking forward to seeing all of you again. Book IN ADVANCE as I have a packed vanilla schedule while I’m in town. I’ll be seeing slaves at a domestic apartment in Hollywood.

I’ll be packing for CBT and heavy NT, humiliation, cross-dressing and feminization, toilet training, roleplay, latex and leather fetishes and a LOT of corporal punishment! Whips, canes, floggers, and more. Spoil yourself with a few hours under my control.

Cuckolding Mistress

I crashed a recent fashion shoot Robert was doing and convinced him to take some pics with me.

As some of you may already know, I tear through male models faster than a lion in a gazelle convention. This month is no different; I’ve been incredibly stressed out which means I need some extra hands on deck (read: my vagina) when I’m trying to cut loose.

Cuckolds, meet Robert. Robert is six foot four. He could probably benchpress you.

 

I’m doing cuckolding sessions with Robert for the rest of January and, I’m guessing, February as well. Fill out my online booking form to inquire. He’s got a great, um, set of assets and is eager to explore more of the kink scene with desperate, lonely cucks like yourself.

Cuckolding Session

Goofing around behind the scenes at another shoot. Pic by 2G Photography.

So far, our chemistry is unprecedented (I’ve never had anyone pick me up and fuck me *in the air*), and if you’ve always wanted to try cuckolding this is a fairytale opportunity. I’m one of the top cuckolding Dommes in the business because I really, deeply understand it and, just as important, I love it.

There’s nothing quite so relaxing as feeling your environment in deep agreement with who you really are at your core. I see through you; there’s no fooling me. Now get on your knees and kiss the ground we walk on. Time for you to meet a real man.

corset-wm-100

I have an opening for a new domestic slave in New York City, all genders welcome. Titles I will consider:

  • Maid
  • Secretary
  • Errand Boy
  • Girl/Boy Friday
  • Lackey

This particular position will involve working closely with me in both my home and my studio, as well as a certain requisite amount of public interaction (going to the store, coming with me on errands, running errands yourself, etc). You will need to budget approximately 8-10 hours per week for the duration of your service. Please apply here and a member of the team will get back to you as soon as possible. If it is not incredibly clear already: this is not a paid position. Nor are you asked to pay. This is personal slavery: a way to better my life in very specific and tangible ways.

I am always seeking out new team members for the stable of slaves that collectively make up Team Darcy. I require New York City slaves for numerous tasks on a daily basis and an assortment of remote/long distance slaves to handle my administrative work. I could not do what I do without my team. Regardless of your location or position, in order to apply you must be a dedicated, service-oriented submissive focused on making my life easier in any way that you can.