I believe everyone, somehow, in some way, is kinky. Finally science is catching up to prove it. Because of this, kink is a misnomer. It denotes a deviation from the norm, and the sexual norm is no more than a statistical average. Furthermore, “the norm” is not as normal as many of us would once have believed. Even factoring in hesitancy to disclose, this study indicates that more than 20% of people polled admitted to practicing kink in the form of bondage, spanking, or roleplay.
While there is a bell curve of sexual interests within human society—some generally agreed-upon activities that are the most usual amongst humans and comprise the bulk of sexual thoughts—everything outside of that average was created in the human brain organically. No one “placed” kinky desires in us, nor did the vast majority of us kinksters attempt to indoctrinate ourselves with unusual sexual interests. As long as you believe in science over sin, there is a perfectly scientific process for the development of kink that relates to brain chemistry.
Whomever first experiences a “kink” or “fetish” had a neural bridge built in their brain to connect an idea, object, body part, experience, sensory stimulus or experience, to his or her organic sexual response. These neural bridges can be built quickly and efficiently; it is as easy as placing a velcro jacket on a rat during its first sexual experience to create a lifelong velcro jacket fetish.
In my own personal experience, and from what I have seen after 10 years of being a dominatrix, human beings function in much the same way. Our first sexual explorations are often inextricably linked to the circumstances surrounding them as we grow into adulthood. The socks our babysitter wore when we had our first moment of arousal can lead to a lifetime sock fetish. The feeling of being deeply loved and cared for during toddler toilet training can later develop into the longing for an erotic bond through toilet servitude. Members of the clergy can come to eroticize…well….anything.
There are as many ways to understand and express kink as there are human beings on the planet. What’s more, it’s a completely organic process that has, initially, nothing to do with our will or control. Kink and sexual desires are about about as God-given as it gets. Whether we indulge in them it is a different story, however. Not all kinks are meant to be explored, particularly the non-consensual ones. Indulging fetishes usually intensifies them, so after a certain point we need to take responsibility for kinks that are unhealthy and stop feeding the brain chemistry around them.
At the very least, however, I believe there is no such thing as deviant sexuality. If sexual desire can literally take any form depending on circumstance, then initial kink has nothing to do with will power and everything to do with luck. Sexual desire is as vast and byzantine as the 7.5 billion people on this planet, and with science showing it is proven possible to eroticize anything, even psychotherapy itself, it is becoming more and more evident that there is no deviance: only sexuality, and the manifold ways it can express itself. Thankfully, I haven’t developed an attraction to velcro jackets yet. Or nuns. But there’s always tomorrow…