Photo: Ian Reid. Goddesses: Mistress Darcy and Goddess Aviva. Slaves: random white dude and Bob Revolver.

Super Beginner BDSM

If you’re sick of boring dates that end in normal sex and are ready to jettison your dating life into warp speed, take a few hours to spruce up your photo collection and read the below. You’ll be kink-functional in no time. If you’re still vanilla-leaning and want to take it slow, just hint that you’re kink-curious on OKC, Tinder or Bumble (which is great for females who like to swipe but hate being inundated with idiotic messages). If you’re ready for the deep end, then sign up for some of the kinky dating and social networking sites out there like Fetlife and Whiplr.

Take note: there are a few terms you should know before you banter. There’s no shame in being a newbie. (It’s kind of hot, actually.) But these kinky phrases will fast-track your flirting and make sure you don’t look like a vanilla dork.

Just remember the golden rule of consent. If it’s not consensual, it’s not cool! Know the difference, educate yourself, and don’t break your playthings. Above and beyond that, pretty much anything goes. There are too many online dating sites available now for anyone to feel their sexual interests are singular. You name it, someone else is into it. Best of luck to you, and if you want to explore further after reading this article check out my advice for Finding Your BDSM Soulmate.

BDSM – The most politically correct and comprehensive term for kink. B stands for bondage, D stands for discipline, and SM stands for sadism and masochism. There’s an additional acronym within the term: DS means Dominance and submission. BDSM doesn’t have to involve sex or sex acts, though it’s usually erotic in some capacity.

Consent – The permission to receive or administer some form of BDSM activity, be it physical or nonphysical. Consent just means permission. It can be accomplished with something as simple as, “is it okay if I touch you/spank you/hug you/take off your undies?” Let the person give you a verbal “yes” to be 100% safe.

Scene – An erotic BDSM exchange of some sort. It can happen in private or public, with two people or dozens, and does not need to include sex. Scenes can vary greatly in intensity and are the kink equivalent of a hook-up.

Dominant – A person in power in a BDSM context. Also called a Dom or Domme. There’s a necessary psychological control or power hierarchy involved in Domming that extends past physical activities. Sometimes used interchangeably with topping.

Submissive – A person who gives up power in a BDSM context. Also called a sub or slave. Subbing is the flip side of Domming, and there’s a necessary psychological surrender involved. Sometimes used interchangeably with bottoming.

Switch – Someone who likes to both dominate and be dominated. It literally means being able to “switch” between the two roles. You can switch with the same partner, or be a Dom/me with one person and a sub with another. Preferences can depend entirely on whom you’re with and what you’re doing.

Top – A person who enjoys the physical aspects of giving BDSM without engaging in a great deal of psychological control. You can top someone while still viewing them as an “equal” when you’re topping them. Often related to sensual, service domination, or physical sadism without the psychological control.

Bottom – A person who enjoys the physical aspects of receiving BDSM without giving over to the psychological surrender of submission. You can bottom without viewing your top as “superior,” for instance, or be solely a masochist with no psychological surrender.

Bondage – The restraint of your partner’s body in an erotic or aesthetic context. Rope, chains, tape, and leather or latex accessories are common, though any object used in a restrictive manner is technically bondage.

Discipline – The act of controlling a submissive’s behavior with rules imposed by the Dom/me and subsequent rewards and punishments when those rules are obeyed or disobeyed. It can also be a catchall term for impact play, including spanking and corporal punishment. Discipline can refer to either a psychological or physical practice of disciplining someone, or both in one.

Sadism – Deriving stimulation from giving someone physical pain. People who enjoy inflicting emotional wounds or engaging in psychological edge play are sometimes called emotional sadists. (Yes it’s a thing, and when done properly can be very hot.) Most sadists identify as dominant in some capacity.

Masochism – Receiving stimulation from feeling physical pain in an erotic context. Masochists don’t necessarily identify as subs or bottoms—some dominants are masochists as well: it can be a purely physical pleasure.

D/s – Dominance and submission, capitalization for effect. This is a kind of relationship dynamic based on a mutual agreement of power exchange. The act of submitting to another mandates a consensual participation in a hierarchy of power with (temporary) inequality at its core, for the sake of the experience. The greater the difference in power, the “greater the high” for both partners. D/s can involve physical activities, but can also be completely psychological with no physical contact.

Limit/Hard Limit – Anything you or your partner absolutely does not want to do, or an activity that, for whatever reason, you “can’t handle.” By and large, hard limits should be honored 100% and never violated. No explanations need to be given for why something is a limit: It is simply taken as fact. Dom/mes can have hard limits as well as subs.

Safeword – A word (sometimes substituted for a gesture or sound) that indicates a submissive has reached his or her limit. Dominants can safeword as well, though it is much more common for a submissive to require a safeword as they are usually on the receiving end of the activity.

Aftercare – The period after a scene in which both parties recover from the activities in the scene. Typically a submissive will need more aftercare, but a dominant can and should receive attention as needed. Aftercare can last anywhere from a few moments up to a few months, depending on the intensity of the scene.

Unicorn – Any rare combination of erotic circumstances/traits. Traditionally an unattached, attractive female sought out by a kinky couple looking for a third partner. Everyone has their own version of a unicorn based on their interests.

Pictured: Pietro Boselli. Aka “world’s hottest math teacher.” Looking for sexy geniuses like him to add to Team Darcy.

Slaves! I require the tireless efforts of one brilliant, internet-savvy, loyal and resourceful Social Media Nerd to aid me in some of my marketing and publicity. If you have experience in social media, marketing, general internet research or design of any sort, please visit my personal slavery application page and fill out an application form now.

I’m afraid I need to say this upfront, because not all of you are as bright as you like to think: this is not a paid position. Nor will you be paying me. This is personal slavery, lifestyle BDSM consensual service. There are more details on the application page about the kinds of tasks a personal slave can generally expect, but if you’re brand new to the world of BDSM then please do a bit of research before you complete the form.

For this position you must be trustworthy, creative, and able to work closely with my social media team and me on my social media content, including but not limited to Twitter posts, Instagram posts, and my own personal website. You should be loyal, hard-working, unselfish, and able to talk to me every week either on the phone or on instant messenger.

Age: 21 – 60

Gender: No preference. Can identify as male, female or transgendered.

Time Commitment: 6 – 10 hours per week. On certain occasions, able and willing to work long, continuous hours if so asked.

Communication: Available to talk directly with Mistress Darcy via Skype, IM or in person, as well as other social media team members on IM.

Personality: Intelligent, articulate, and an eye for detail. Able to work seamlessly with others in service of me. Humble and open to correction, with the ability to take on board feedback immediately. Have the ability to work with the big picture in mind.

Work Flow: Able to work quickly and efficiently, in the face of immediate, non-negotiable deadlines, and consistently able to turn in the work in a time frame of 4 days on less.

Location: Anywhere in the world with a good and stable Internet connection.

Required skills:

  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Marketing
  • Photo resizing
  • Comprehensive web search
  • Sourcing, chronicling and indexing data immediately in an organized manner
  • Interaction skills

The payment for this job is the ability to make me happy, and to be a valued member of Team Darcy which is a warm, accepting, intelligent group of kinksters all around the world. The bottom line is, this is not for your pleasure, but mine. If serving me does not make you happy, do not bother.

Interested slaves can APPLY HERE. A team member will get in touch with you for further instructions. You may not hear back from me personally for several days, weeks, or months, so please be patient and follow up on Twitter if you are dying to know your status. Do not forget to be polite and concise. Best of luck.

Hi slaves, good news. I’m back in New York for a few solid weeks and will be conducting sessions in my studio May 17-24, and then again from May 30 until June 15. If you wish to see me, please either email me (if you’ve contacted me before) or fill out my online booking form.

I will be reconnecting with my forced bi studs, my gigantic Bull, and my babygirl female slave, all of whom are ready and eager to jump into session with us.

My private studio is equipped with tools and toys for humiliation, roleplay, teasing, sadism, corporal punishment, spanking, feminization, and all the mind fucking you can bear.

Slaves: I am finally returning to Florida! Serve me at my hotel while I’m catching up with friends at Fetish Factory in Ft. Lauderdale, and then join me at one of the dungeon parties afterwards. It’s looking to be an extremely fun, sadistic weekend for me and my fellow Dom/mes.

In my suitcase I will have wicked tools for CBT, electric torture, feminization, sissy training, bondage, humiliation of all kinds, and my usual wardrobe choices of latex, leather and lingerie.

Book now to get on my calendar. I’m already very much in demand for this trip! www.mistressdarcy.com/booking

So excited to take a few days off in Colorado and get some fresh air. If any of you Colorado submissives want to see me, let me know asap and I might be able to make arrangements. I’m not in Colorado very often these days, but you’re always welcome to try to see me in Denver or Southern Colorado depending on where I’m traveling!

 

Mistress Darcy visiting London and Manchester. Photo by Tom Maybe.

I’ll be in Manchester May 4-6 on vanilla business and seeing a limited number of slaves while I’m there. If you’re interested in setting something up, let me know ASAP. You can apply at mistressdarcy.com/booking.

Although I’ll be sessioning out of a hotel in City Center, I will have all the equipment necessary for basic sessions. If you book by May 2, I can pack for your session specifically. I take off for England the night of May 2. It pays to be early in this instance, as I’m also positive I’ll be fully booked by the time I arrive on May 4.

Unbelievably excited, honored, thrilled, horny, and proud to announce that I have a new Sardax portrait! It was commissioned for me by a lovely man who I met a few years back in London. We had instant chemistry, and a deep understanding of one another. He wanted to show his reverence with a very special gift, and decided that an original artwork by the world-renowned Sardax was the ideal way to do so. From that moment on, a masterpiece was born!

Sardax featured it in his recent four-part fairytale spread in a well-known Japanese fetish magazine, along with the gorgeous Mistress Eleise and a few other incredible Goddesses who happen to resemble classic storybook characters. I can’t wait to see the article!

Although a slave commissioned the portrait, he knows and respects my fondness for tall, hung studs. As a result, the handsome Prince Charming is depicted as my well-endowed hostage. When alpha takes on alpha, only one dominant will triumph! In my femdom opinion, the classic Snow White story should have ended with the woman in control regardless. Too many fairytales leave the woman powerless and reliant on a man to save her. Fortunately Sardax has given us a chance to rewrite history.

For you fairytale fans, here’s one of his previous works with my friend Alice Malice, who posed for a four-part Alice in Wonderland spread. I couldn’t be more pleased with how mine turned out, and feel honored to be in such esteemed company. Thank you Sardax for another incredible piece!

 

Hello my little empire, I’m back in my heart’s home, London, for a few days in May. I can’t WAIT to show you how sadistic I’ve been feeling lately. Mercury only goes out of retrograde the day I arrive, so I will be doing lots of caning, whipping, paddling, flogging, spanking, tormenting, crushing and trampling. It’s been that kind of month.

If you’re ready to take a vacation for a day, book your time with me. I’m not in town all that often, and I know some of you are utterly desperate to see me again. And for you new faces, I’m completely thrilled to beat you. I mean meet you. Cheers!

Hello slaves! A flying journey into LA for a few days. Looking forward to seeing all of you again. Book IN ADVANCE as I have a packed vanilla schedule while I’m in town. I’ll be seeing slaves at a domestic apartment in Hollywood.

I’ll be packing for CBT and heavy NT, humiliation, cross-dressing and feminization, toilet training, roleplay, latex and leather fetishes and a LOT of corporal punishment! Whips, canes, floggers, and more. Spoil yourself with a few hours under my control.

Miracles CAN happen. I have an opening for a new personal slave in New York City. You must be able to serve in person at least once a week. Duties include cleaning, organization, errands, and general assistance at my studio.

This is NOT by definition an opportunity for “play.” Service slavery is service slavery, and I take both of those words very seriously. If you are confused about the intricacies of a high protocol, service-based D/s relationship then you need to do a bit of research before applying.

All inadequate or unsuitable applications will be rejected. You may receive a response letting you know you have not been accepted if you are eager and make a good effort in the application. Suitable candidates will be contacted within one to five weeks.

Submit your application at www.mistressdarcy.com/apply.