I am perhaps something of a controversial figure because of my strong fetishization of, and talent for, mindfucking. While mindfucking can backfire in an astonishing burst of emotional fireworks and debris, I must admit I respect it for its sheer metric force. This should be everyone’s approach when dealing with a potential weapon of mass destruction: respect and a comprehensive understanding of its power. No matter your “opinion” on this fetish, or any others, the bottom line is that a good mindfuck can be a brain-meltingly hot experience that leaves a strong, positive fetish impression for years, for both Dom/me AND sub.

Click here for more of my writing on Emotional BDSM and Mindfucking / Psychological Edgeplay.

You essentially build yourself into the perfect D/s compliment for the other person, Weird Science-style from the inside out, complete with every personality trait necessary for the rejection D/s roleplay to work. Then you form an intense and convincing emotional bond with the other person, which is totally possible even in as little as 10 minutes. Finally, you slowly break yourself down around them (or build yourself up if you’re the Dom/me) bit by bit until you are in such different leagues that anything can be used in service of the power disparity. The chasm between you becomes insurmountable. Yet you’re tethered together. Yet you’re apart. Yet you’re together. It’s a sickening kind of invisible bondage-humiliation-torture all in one.

The key is for both parties to be incredibly clear about what they are getting into from the start and continue to be overly clear about the nature of the roleplay even after it’s “over” (even when the delicious pain is still lingering). You don’t want to incur net negative repercussions from someone who can’t decipher between fantasy and reality. Rejection play can be INCREDIBLY hot, but don’t do it with someone who isn’t totally prepared for a roleplay of this nature. You will hurt them and get a reputation for being an asshole.

Of course, sometimes someone claims to want to be involved in mindfucking and emotional masochism, but then changes their mind at the last second or in a way that is confusing to the dominant. On one hand, if you volunteered to be there knowing full well that there were risks, you had better try to figure a way to exit the scenario with your psychological health intact. Submissive have a responsibility to know themselves well enough to say yes or no responsibly to a dynamic that they take part in initiating. But if the dominant senses that a submissive doesn’t know how to say yes or no responsibly, is naively in over his or her head, or will be incurring a net negative from the interaction, then the Dom/me should put a stop to it. Both Dom/me and sub share a responsibility for mental and emotional safety, and to blame it all on the Dom/me if things go wrong is shitty and incomplete.

Fortunately the vast majority of people I have ever mindfucked have taken enormous responsibility for their portion of things, and we have had incredible experiences that will stay with me for the rest of my life and vice versa. These roleplays are some of the defining moments of my life as a Domme. They have sometimes changed my submissives’ entire lives, for the better. But these roleplays were also just roleplays, and they need a deft and nimble mind and an iron-core of confidence for the submissive to distinguish fantasy from reality. So if you’re into receiving mindfucking like this on a regular basis, good job: chances are you’re both smart AND super comfortable with who you are.

I remember one session I did with a sub male client that was particularly cruel. He wanted an hour at my studio one night after work for a small penis humiliation scene. We met for a consultation a few days beforehand so that I could vet him, and immediately I had a pretty clear idea of his interests and type. Although he said he “didn’t like to control things,” before the consultation he had emailed me a long and detailed list of his interests and triggers including specific names he liked to be called, words to use for his dick, roleplay scenarios, etc. He was about as bad at giving up power as I am, so I made sure to craft the interactions from the beginning in a way that would leave him off kilter and disoriented in the session and in an authentic position of being mentally and emotionally out of control.

The first method was to dismiss him when he mentioned (again) that he liked roleplay. I told him that while I was well known for it, it was not something I actually enjoyed that much. It takes a lot of energy and planning, and in general is less rewarding than just connecting with someone on a “real life level.” This was all false, but he believed me and, although disappointed, agreed to go along with whatever I said.

The thing that made the next part of my scheme work was that he was semi-attractive and was well aware of it. He had a pretty good personality (in spite of his topping from the bottom), and we had great chemistry in our consultation. In a moment of irony, he displayed his fatal flaw of hubris by admitting that his dick was “not actually as small as he liked to say.” He had exposed a crack in this own small-dicked fantasy and in the process claimed that he would happily go along with anything I said, no matter how cruel or cutting. I used all of this to my advantage and lowered his guard by telling him in the consult that I totally understood his small penis humiliation fetish, and although I knew he was exaggerating about its small size, that I knew just what to say to him to make sure we “both had a hot, fun time together.”

From then on I downplayed my dominance over email: I called him by his first name instead of “slave,” cracked jokes with him, asked questions instead of giving commands, etc. This lasted for about three or four emails leading up to the session. By the end of it his fondness for me had increased, and his respect for me had decreased. I had successfully humanized myself for him, voluntarily stepping down off the pedestal he had built for me. Little did he know I would be climbing back up on it soon enough. At the time, however, I had lowered his expectations. I was now a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

When he walked in the door I didn’t have him undress, and instead gave him a quick cheek kiss and had him sit on the couch next to me and “chat” for a few minutes. Most people who have sessioned with a traditional independent Domme know this is pretty unusual. We talked for about 10-15 minutes about his day, my day, etc, and I humanized myself even more. At about the 15-minute mark, he tried to give me my tribute and asked to start the session. I looked at him meaningfully and let a coy smile play on my lips, then told him in a frank tone that I was having too much fun to session. He gazed at me, confounded and delighted at the same time, and again shoved the money towards me. I reached for it, looked at it, and then handed it back to him. It was that moment, seeing a ProDomme hand his money back, that he became submerged in the ruse. He would believe anything I said.

I draped my hand across his leg and trailed my fingers up towards his crotch. With another smile, I teased my hand up his chest and rubbed his neck a little. Gazing lovingly into his eyes, I swore to him “you’re not like my other clients. You’re not really like a client at all. I would actually go on a real date with you.” The cognitive dissonance on his face was priceless.

The lower half of his body overpowered the upper half, and he continued to blithely believe every word I said. He scooched closer, clearly dying to kiss me. I kept rambling on about how I had gone on a date with someone a lot like him a few weeks back, but that the guy I was on the date with had a terrible personality. This client, on the other hand, well he’d kept me laughing all night long so far. I shifted subtly, just out of reach from his hands and mouth. I kept my eye contact throughout, giving him all the signs of a woman on a date that is “DTF.”

Finally, after about 10 minutes of this slow teasing and seducing, I asked him to stand up and started fondling his crotch and whispering in his ear. Did he want to go in the other room? I had a spare bed in there, and although I vowed to him that I never, ever dated my clients, he hadn’t actually given me money yet, so technically he wasn’t a client?

The poor sap got his pants off so fast that it actually knocked me off balance and back onto the couch. I sat there watching him, pretending to be captivated and sexually ecstatic, touching my body just enough to feign arousal and goad him into taking off his underwear.

That was when I dropped the first nuke.

I let my eyes fall slowly from his face down to his erection. Reality: it was average. Maybe 5.5 or 6. Roleplay: I pretended it was 2.5. I didn’t go into “fake-Domme-your-dick-is-so-small-holding-up-my-pinky” mode though. That’s shitty and dumb. I actually just in my mind made myself really attracted to this guy, and simultaneously in my mind saw his dick as being 2.5 inches. I had spent the first half of the session convincing BOTH him and myself that I wanted more than anything in the world to fuck him. This average looking guy with the average sized dick had become my paragon of sexiness and beauty. The true artistry and skill in a good roleplay revolves around getting BOTH people to buy into it. Once we established that, the rest was easy. In that horrible moment when he dropped his gray briefs onto the floor, all I had to do was walk in the front door of the elegant house of lies I had spent the past 30 minutes constructing.

I let loose a sort of “ohhh” noise and let my jaw drop a little. Then I turned my head in modesty and started blushing. I’m still not sure how I did it, but I could literally feel the color flushing in my cheeks. I put my hand over my mouth. “What?” he said, genuinely confounded. “Nothing, nothing,” I replied. I paused a moment for effect. Then I started laughing. Quietly at first, then a little bit louder, as if I couldn’t hide it. I kept my face turned away to make him think I didn’t want him to know I was laughing. He was starting to deflate. He was losing his boner for real. His eyebrows were crinkling in the middle of his forehead. Miraculously, he still believed my reaction was organic.

I got up and got a glass of water, feigning a cough. Then I slowly walked back over to him and picked up his underwear. “You know, I’m actually kind of tired. Maybe we can continue this over a drink tomorrow…or something.” I handed him the underwear and gestured for him to start to get dressed. He tried to rub my shoulders, get close to me, caressing my stomach. I waved him off.

Finally I leveled with him. “Look,” I said, staring into his eyes and taking his face in my hands, “I like you. You’re cute, you have an incredible sense of humor, we obviously have chemistry but…seriously? Did you ever actually think I would… with that?!”

“Oh come on Darcy,” he tried to protest. “This isn’t roleplay. It’s not THAT small.” Yes, he actually said, “this isn’t roleplay.” I barked with laughter and let loose a curtain of missiles aimed directly at his self-confidence.

“I know this isn’t roleplay. If this were a session, I would have taken your money. But I didn’t. We were having fun. I felt like I was on a date. I’m attracted to you. But I don’t appreciate your lying. Yes, you lied to me. You did! When you sit there and look me in the eyes in broad daylight and try to tell me “truthfully” that your dick is average sized, and I actually believe you, that’s lying to my face. Average? You know what average is? It’s 6 inches for a Caucasian male in America. I am not looking at six inches right now. And I have seen thousands of cocks in my life. Are you delusional? I’m a ProDomme, I know what average looks like. I’ve seen average. And your dick is so far below average that I am actually angry at myself that I let things get this far. I can’t believe I bought it. I can’t believe I fell for it. I would never, in one hundred million years, even consider fucking…that. I wouldn’t feel it. There would be no sex, no sensation. Your dick is so disgustingly small that I almost wish this were a session, just so I could tell you off for it.”

The poor man didn’t know what to believe, but his (average) cock had started to twitch again with the horrible realization that not only was he not getting sex, but that this woman with whom he had formed an intense emotional bond in a short amount of time was now realistically and brutally berating him in a lifestyle turn of events that he had only imagined in his wildest fantasies. I continued ranting on for another 10 minutes, eventually ending with him on the floor on his stomach, grinding and begging me to hump until he came in his underwear.

Before I knew it, the hour was up and the session was over. I snatched the money out of his pants pocket and started counting it in the corner.

“You’re welcome.” I tossed the words over my shoulder at him as he caught his breath on the floor, a huge grin of awe and wonder spreading across his face.

I could be as cold as I liked now. The character was gone, and I said a perfunctory goodbye as he let himself out. He could tell that the whole thing had been a fabrication. In his follow-up email, he thanked me for the most realistic roleplay of his life, and admitted he was relieved he hadn’t actually been given the opportunity to cheat on his wife that night. I knew he would go back to her peaceful in the knowledge that he belonged with her, and that I remained comfortably out of his league for all time. I had constructed a fantasy for him that played perfectly into his decades-long fetish for humiliation, and which could not be achieved by someone who was being transparent about their tactics.

The best kind of dominant is someone who can actually outsmart their submissive: surprise, frighten, and delight them. It takes a bit more planning, forethought and skill, but the moments when I outsmart my subs are by far my most rewarding moments as a Domme. In those moments, the power exchange is not roleplay. It’s real.

Click here for more of my writing on Emotional BDSM and Mindfucking / Psychological Edgeplay.

Perfect buttocks. Side view of beautiful young naked woman cover

If you’re interested in serving as a toilet for Dom/me, you should know ask yourself a few basic questions. Hardsports in particular is an edge play activity, and can be dangerous, both physically and psychologically. Read this quick checklist to make sure you’re up for the challenge, and that your Dominant meets some basic standards. For those of you interested in toilet play, you’ll be doing it anyway: you might as well do it safely!

-Has he or she been tested for STD’s recently including Hepatitis A and B?

-Does he or she have testing paperwork to show you upon request?

-Is his or her space clean and discreet?

-Is he or she mentally compelling and able to “talk you into it” if need be, as well as “talk you down” when it’s over? Intense guilt and shame can kick in quickly when you’re finished.

-Is he or she welleviewed, or do you have mutual friends who can vouch for the person’s play style and trustworthiness?

-Are there recent photos of the Dominant available anywhere, or have you met them in person recently? Nothing is worse than showing up for a high-pressure exchange like toiletry to find you’re not attracted to the person.

-Portions? Taste? Smell? Ask for honest self-appraisal beforehand if those aspects matter to you.

-Natural or chemically-induced? You should be able to request the former.

-Is there a regular shower facility for when you’ve finished? Let’s hope so.

Femdom Financial

I recently had to grapple with a very entitled male about my deposit process. He attempted to make a weak argument against them. Out of boredom and the desire to write a new blog post, I destroyed his logic on every point. Here is his argument, and my rebuttal, which outlines the many reasons why you should just shut up and pay if you’re serious about seeing a professional dominant:

Man: Deposits aren’t classy.

Me: I am clearly and irrevocably classy, and if you don’t think so then why would you contact me? The vast quantity of photos of me, reviews about me, and text written by me are a testament to my elegance and professionalism, and if you don’t agree then you should not even consider sessioning with me. Save your money for someone “actually” classy, like the Duchess of Cambridge. Though apparently she’s got some pretty filthy friends.

Man: I don’t trust anyone until I get to know them.

Me: That sounds like a very lonely life. Regardless, the chances of you actually “getting to know” the personal side of any ProDomme above and beyond the character traits she chooses to show you are rare. If you mean knowing them enough to trust that they will not steal your money, that can be assessed by looking at a woman’s reputation online. Why would I have so many clients raving about me if I’m in the habit of stealing their money, of if I was anything other than, generally speaking, very good at my job?

Man: The internet is full of liars and con artists.  

Me: Correct. Just today I had someone who seemed sincere and “promised” he was the kind of guy who didn’t need to give a deposit flake for the second time, last minute, and not show up. I am then out of pocket for the dungeon rental, my time has been wasted, and I have turned down other income for the day, which in my industry means a net profit loss. Most luxury services demand a deposit upfront anyway, and professional domination is the definition of a luxury service.

Man: I’m concerned about the lack of privacy with an electronic trail.

Me: Which is why I welcome deposits in cash a day or so before the session. 

Man: A deposit of $100 seems high.

Me: If you’re about to spend $300-$1000 total, it’s nothing. But thank you for outing yourself as a timewaster.

Man: I can give you various personal details in order to verify that I am who I am.

Me: That has no bearing on whether you show up to an appointment. I don’t want to blackmail you: I want to be paid for my time.

Man: The odds are pretty slim that I’m a liar.

Me: False. What percentage of welleviewed Dommes with their own websites, twitter following, fetlife profile and global fan base do you think “lie” about their deposits and steal them from their would-be clients? I would guess 1/20, if I were to be very cynical about it, because bad behavior is so easy to report for public figures like us. The percentage of would-be clients who don’t follow through with an inquiry or “lie” about not needing to make a deposit and then bail on their session is about 7/10, in my experience. Unless of course they provide a deposit, and then the no-show rate goes down to 1/10.

In conclusion, the onus is on the client to prove his trustworthiness. I have already proven mine. But you’re always welcome to take a gamble on someone without any sort of track record. That’s what the internet is for! Just ask Michael Phelps, who should have done his research.