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I’m a CEO. I have a Chief Strategist. His name is Tom. Donald Trump will have a Strategist as well. His name is Steve Bannon. If you don’t understand the importance of a Strategist, let me explain.

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A CEO is nothing without his or her team, and the best CEO’s have a Strategist who is as capable and efficient as they are, if not more so. The CEO is often the face of things, and while a CEO is busy making decisions on agenda and stance, wheeling and dealing with top-level colleagues and competitors, making public appearances and statements, and overseeing the executive staffing of a company, the Strategist is working behind the scenes to steer the entire operation towards the CEO’s goals and ensuring that the tactical branch of decision-making remains aligned with the organization’s mission. Most of the day-to-day decisions and mid-level staffing are happening below the CEO, and in many cases the second in command who oversees all of this is the Chief Strategist. If the CEO is the head of an organization, the Chief Strategist is the hands and arms.

Steve Bannon has seen a lot of action this year. He is the Executive Chairman of Breitbart News, which is America’s biggest media outlet for the extreme right. He was also the CEO of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign. He has just now been named Trump’s Chief Strategist for the White House, which has sent America’s mainstream media and left wing into utter outrage and panic. They should have come to me instead. My staff is far better equipped to run our country, and I think Tom would have made a great White House Strategist.

Here is a brief comparison of Tom and Bannon.

Domestic Violence

Bannon was charged by the Santa Monica District Attorney for domestic violence. Tom, however, welcomes domestic violence from me, against him. In fact, the more I beat him, the happier he is. Tom recently tweeted that a man guilty of domestic abuse “deserves to have someone kick crap out of him, there is never any reason for a man to raise his fists to a woman.”

Racism

Under Bannon, Breitbart has become the voice for white nationalism, aka white supremacy. David Duke, the head of the KKK, thinks Bannon will uphold all the ideologies of the KKK when he takes office, and Breitbart has allowed some pretty shocking anti-semitic statements in the past. Tom, on the other hand, is a Darcy supremacist. The only person he thinks is better than anyone else is me. He is in no way racist, and he does not tolerate racism on Team Darcy.

Misogyny

Bannon has made a string of misogynistic comments and been brought into court several times for sexual discrimination. Breitbart is also notoriously anti-feminist. Tom, on the other hand, loves women and everything they have to offer. He does not feel women are lesser than men, stupider than men, or that women should be kept from the workforce and relegated to their households. In fact, Tom thinks more women should be Executives, and that most companies would benefit from female leadership.

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In conclusion, Tom should be allowed to work as Chief Strategist in the White House (while wearing handcuffs), and Bannon should be handcuffed for real and banned from entering the White House now and for all time.