Liz Taylor Diamonds

Goddess Elizabeth Taylor

Nothing says love like precious gems, so when you’re ready to show your Goddess exactly how much you cherish her, be sure to follow this step-by-step guide. Messing up any one of these aspects of the jewelry ritual could mean your Domme doesn’t feel your love like you intended, and you might end up making a very expensive mistake! But if you get it right, you will stand out from all her other suitors. Speaking from experience: the right piece of jewelry in the right way will make your Goddess remember you forever.

kinopoisk.ru

Goddess Audrey Hepburn

Colors

Find out what your Goddess’ favorite colors are. Ask in general, and at a later time also find out specifically what her favorite jewelry choices are. Does she like silver, gold, or rose gold? Does she like diamonds or emeralds? What are the jewels and precious metals she wears the most?

Marilyn Monroe Diamonds

Goddess Marilyn Monroe

Types

Ask your Goddess outright: “Ma’am, if you were to receive jewelry as a gift, would you prefer rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings or something else?” Look at her jewelry collection if you have access to her bedroom (and you feel it might be appropriate to take a peek), and assess what her tastes are so that you can stay in the family of things she likes. It is also totally reasonable to ask her to prepare a Pinterest board or “look book” of jewelry she wants. It is effort on her part, but if you are about to make an investment of several thousand, you need to get it right. And trust me: she won’t mind making the effort.

If you are unable to buy REAL precious gems, you can settle for costume jewelry. I love costume jewelry, personally, and am not elitist about it. For business meetings and day wear, however, I prefer real jewels (diamonds, emeralds, etc.) so it’s good to have a range.

Rita Hayworth Diamonds

Goddess Rita Hayworth

Purchase

Go somewhere reputable if you are buying precious gems and be sure to get a gift receipt! Just in case she wants a different color or style. Again: it’s likely several thousand you’re spending, so you want to make sure you get it right. If you are buying costume jewelry make sure it is good quality costume jewelry and won’t just fall apart. Nothing is more embarrassing than buying a gift which breaks shortly after you deliver it.

If you purchase something on sale, you better be DAMN SURE it is perfect for her. Does it match her favorite colors and styles? Is it something she has on her wish list or Pinterest board? If not, be ready to take the gamble that she will be disappointed.

Lauren Bacall Pearls

Goddess Lauren Bacall

Presentation

Every single time you present jewelry to a woman, you must either make sure it’s in a nice box, pouch or bag of some kind, or that you have prepared the environment around you to act as the “dressing” for you to give it to her by hand. Don’t just come up to her in the bathroom when she’s putting on makeup and hold out a chain. Make it a sacred moment between the two of you. Charge it with some emotional weight and power, as you have made quite the investment of time and money by now and deserve to finish the ritual properly!

Your Goddess will appreciate that you took the time not only to select the perfect piece for her, but that you made sure to set the scene. Some options to aid your setting are: low lighting, candles, music, a lunch or dinner, a surprise in bed while she relaxes with a formal breakfast or tea service. You can present on your knees even if it’s not an engagement ring: your Goddess will appreciate the gesture of chivalry, especially if you’re a submissive.

Sophia Loren Diamonds

Goddess Sophia Lauren

Gratitude

Be sure to offer it with an air of gratitude, and don’t expect anything in return except a smile from her. You might offer a few words as well, like “thank you for being the perfect woman, and inspiring me everyday with your natural beauty. These jewels only highlight what is already flawless elegance.”

She will read in your eyes that you are being authentic, and the fact that you ask nothing in return will make her want to give you everything.

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The author showcasing a few recently acquired diamonds. Thanks, slave!

 

 

Girls Laughing

Honoring boundaries is a crucial, if not THE crucial, part of kink. We’ve all heard the handy phrase, ‘the difference between BDSM and abuse is consent.’ It’s true. No matter how extreme you are you must still obtain tacit consent in every scene. Even consensual nonconsent requires an understanding of your partner to the point that you believe with very little room for error that they will ultimately benefit and/or consent to what you are doing at some point, even if they do not consent during the scene itself. For the purposes of this article, however, I will largely not be speaking to consensual nonconsent. Most kinksters aren’t ready for that kind of edge play, and so you can assume I’m speaking instead about the rest of the kink world.

Additionally, although submissives are usually the ones who complain about consent breaches, it is important to remember that Dominants have boundaries as well. Everything I say below applies to both Dom/mes and subs, and it is important for each partner to honor and respect the limits of the other no matter which side you’re on.

Any partner who does not honor your limits after you have communicated them *unless there is a very clear and sensible reason* is most likely not someone you should continue to scene with. Care is at the bedrock of BDSM, and we must each do our part to care for our partners, wether Dom/me, sub or otherwise.

BDSM consensual

Bring it Up 

It’s not fair to expect your partner to be a mind reader, although if you’re with a great partner he or she may sometimes be just that! Nevertheless, take responsibility for yourself and be clear about your limits upfront. Do NOT assume your Dom/me or sub will know your limits. There are no “standard limits,” and each person is different. What’s “light” for one player may be a “hell no” for someone else, with no rhyme or reason as to why. Varying degrees of sensitivity are what make BDSM so exciting and also so dangerous, so be sure to cover your bases every time!

Just because your partner does not ask does not mean you don’t have a responsibility to tell. Bringing a victim mentality into a scene is unfair to your partner and invites unnecessary pain and anxiety for you. Take the initiative and state your boundaries, whether Dom/me or sub. It’s the safe way to play.

If you’re a Dom/me, try to find a way to ascertain limits. Sometimes you might not want to ask outright (especially if you’re into heavy psychological play and mind fucking), but the more clandestine you are about assessing limits, the more certain you have to be that you’re not wrong.

Aftercare

Timing is Everything

By the time a scene has started it’s usually too late to respectfully (and sometimes even effectively) discuss limits, though of course if you leave it till then and wish to communicate your boundaries, you have no other choice but to do so in the heat of the moment. A Dom/me or sub has likely already put some thought into the scene and started getting excited about the potential activities therein. Most importantly, if you’re into any sort of psychological play, a Dom/me may very well need time to process your limits before the scene begins in order to adequately prepare their strategies and tactics. Derailing someone’s plans or passion when you’re mid-scene is at best inconsiderate, and at worst, a way to ruin the relationship.

The best time to discuss limits is before you are in the space for a scene. It’s important to be in a neutral, non-arousal state so that you can think clearly and be as articulate as possible about your needs. You also need to be able to listen to and respect the limits of your partner, and it can be hard to do so if you’re in the throes of subspace. If needed, you can email your partner a list before you meet, hand them a hand-written note before the scene has begun, or even schedule an in-person coffee or meal a few days before the scene in order to go over your limits in detail. A good dominant will want to get a sense for your mental landscape well ahead of time, in order to gauge how to best handle you.

If you don’t communicate beforehand because you’ve “forgotten,” and maintaining your boundaries in a scene is important to you, then you have a responsibility to convey them during the scene, and your partner has a duty to listen. It might be bad timing, but it’s better than not doing so at all. Your partner does not want to see you unhappy, and it’s not in anyone’s best interests to walk away from a scene having damaged the other person or created a net-negative effect on someone’s life.

BDSM etiquette

It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It

Ideally you have agreed to do a scene with someone because you feel you are, at a core level, compatible. Once you’ve established that, you’ve tacitly agreed to be open and respectful of each others’ limits as well. If you don’t jive with the person’s general kink interests, you should reconsider your reasons for wanting to play with him or her. If a person hates pain, for example, and you want to do a heavy corporal session with them, you need to know exactly what you’re doing and have a lot of experience in that sort of challenging “conversion” scenario. It’s not okay to “convince” someone away from their limits without either significant expertise or their consent.

No respectable Dom/me is going to insult your limitations or make you feel stupid for having them, as long as you have presented them properly. For instance, if you have a fear of soda pop and ask that soda pop never be used in a scene, you should make sure to preface it with, “I know this is ridiculous and illogical, so please bear with me, but…” That way you acknowledge the irrational nature of your limit and your Dom/me will be able to come to terms with it. We Dominants are actually great at plopping things in the category of ‘No Good Reason For This But Just Accept It,” and enjoy quietly laughing at your endearing weaknesses—they make you who you are, and you expressing your vulnerabilities makes us feel closer to you. Just make sure you bring each limitation up with utmost respect and, when appropriate, an apology.

Sub Drop

Good openers for subs:

“Ma’am/Sir, would it be all right if we talked about some no-go areas for me?”

“I’ve prepared a list of my hard limits, would it be acceptable to email it to you in advance, please?

“I’m afraid I have some rather ridiculous issues around ______, and I would love to be able to talk about it with you before we meet. Unfortunately _______ takes me totally out my good headspace, so I want to let you know upfront so that we don’t get interrupted.

“I’ve had some previous trauma with _______, and I would love to be able to tell you about it so that I’m not triggered during our scene. Is that okay?”

Good openers for Dom/mes:

“I will honor and respect your boundaries at all times, but I need you to know that I also have boundaries. Are you prepared to hear them?

“There are a few behaviors from submissives that really bother me. Can we talk about them? I don’t want you to make the same mistakes others have made in the past.”

“If you do _______, ________ or ________ the scene will end immediately. Do you understand?”

“I hate ______. Don’t do it. Ever.”

How Very

Discovering a Limitation

On occasion you will realize that something that was previously not a hard limit has become one. It is imperative that you communicate this to your partner as soon as possible, but that you also give it proper care and consideration in your language. The absolute worst time to figure something like this out is in a scene, but unfortunately that’s usually the time when it happens.

The most important thing is to understand your partner is not a mind reader, and that if you have a realization they do not necessarily know that. As far as they’re concerned, unless otherwise noted in your body or words, everything is hunky dory and okay to proceed as normal. If you are the one who has discovered new information, you are the one interrupting the scene. You therefore owe your partner an apology of some sort (whether inferred or literal), no matter whether you are Dom/me or sub. This is not so much a rule as basic etiquette. You would apologize if you changed social plans with a friend, why would you not apologize if you changed plans with an intimate play partner?

Consensual Nonconsent

Good openers for discovering a limit:

“I’m sorry to have to say this, but I have just had a revelation about ______. I don’t think I can do it, or at least right now. I’m so sorry to bring it up in the middle like this.”

“You have done nothing wrong whatsoever here, but I am feeling very uncomfortable with ______. I didn’t realize this until just now. I’m really sorry.”

“May I say something? It’s out of the blue, I know. I’m feeling really upset around ______ for some reason, would you be okay with doing something else for the time being and perhaps talking about this afterwards?”

Spitting Femdom

Resilience and Forgiveness

Having been recently inspired by The Dirty Gentleman’s events here in New York, as well as the high protocol D/s group that is known collectively as the Guild of Voluptuaries, I want to highlight the need for resilience. We don’t play with actual Gods and Goddesses, we play with other human beings. Human beings make mistakes. Constantly. You WILL make mistakes with people in the scene, eventually, and others WILL make mistakes with you. The key is to maintain compassion for yourself and for others, and remember to take ownership for your own communication and manners at every possible moment.

While there are certainly instances of abuse in our community, you should always background check the overall reputation of a play partner as best you can – not with second and third-hand information but with others who have ACTUALLY played with them. If someone has a load of play partners who have had bad experiences (and you have heard this FIRST-HAND), then perhaps reconsider whether it’s a good idea to play with them. Once you’ve signed on for a scene with someone, though, it’s your responsibility to follow proper etiquette around communicating your limits.

Hard Limits

If you deem someone cool enough to scene with, hopefully you also deem him or her of a worthy character (if not, don’t play with them!). If someone has worthy character, they will be willing to take responsibility for their mistakes and attempt to make amends should an error occur. Value resilience—your own and your partner’s—and make your own respectful communication top priority. You will significantly decrease the amount of bad experiences you have in so doing.

The goal is a net positive experience, on both ends. Maintain manners, communicate with courtesy, and your scenes will unfold safely, happily, and worry-free!

Femdom Classic
A_Life_Less_Vanilla.wm

You’re attractive, professionally successful, and doing just fine on the vanilla dating front thanks to the bevy of dating apps out there. And yet… with a never-ending stream of gorgeous partners at your literal fingertips, you somehow find yourself wanting more. More substance. More layers. More excitement.

That ‘more’ is kink. You’re probably not sure how far you’re willing to go, or even what kinds of activities are available. Maybe you hated 50 Shades of Grey, but it did pique your interest. The more you research, though, the more you realize you don’t know. And frankly, it can be overwhelming. Don’t worry: We all have to start somewhere. Years ago, I was as vanilla as they come. Working as a ProDomme thrust me fast and furious into the world of kink, and eventually, I started exploring it at home. Now, eight years later, my sex life is extraordinary. You CAN have your cake. And eat it too! And do a hot force-feeding scene afterwards with a sexy naked chick tied to a chair.

Thanks to my job as a Dominatrix, I travel the world for kink, and there is one app that has literally changed my dating life forever. No matter where I go, Whiplr seems to have sexy scene players in my age range who are eager to meet up. The search settings allow you to narrow down your basic preferences, and the Dekadom membership helps you get even more specific about who and what you’re looking for. It attracts a broad range of experience levels as well, from skilled scene veterans to excited newbies who’ve never even tried a blindfold. I adore introducing vanillas to the scene, so it’s thrilling that so many people who’ve joined recently are brand new to BDSM. Me: kid. Whiplr: candy store.

If only there had been an app like this when I first started exploring. It’s the only global dating app dedicated to kink and fetish, and it’s getting bigger by the day. To “keep it 1000” as we say on the internet, my stock is pretty low on places like OKCupid and Tinder. As a vanilla woman, I’m just another petite brunette with curves. On Whiplr, however, I’m a feisty sex Goddess with an astonishing set of skills and experience. It gives me easy access to hot partners who might just breeze past me in other apps. ALL of the people I’ve met from Whiplr have been gorgeous and fascinating, and it’s yielded MY BEST dates ever.

To be very clear: I want hundreds of new people to join Whiplr every single day. Not because I work for Whiplr (though I kind of wish I did), but because I want a bigger dating pool! I love this app and want to do everything I can to promote it, since each new member who signs up is another adventure waiting for me.

As for those other dating apps? I’ve deleted them all. If I want vanilla, I’ll just have some ice cream.

Photo: Ian Reid.
Models: Mistress Darcy, Goddess Aviva, Bob Revolver and friends.

Kinky_Dating

I always encourage my clients to adopt a pro-honesty, pro-relationship attitude about kink in their personal lives (meaning spouses, significant others, and any close relationships), which goes double for anyone who’s actively seeking a romantic/sexual/BDSM relationship outside of pro sessions.

Personal BDSM relationships don’t necessarily preclude professional ones, but even when they do I have so many clients that it doesn’t negatively impact my practice to counsel my clients (who desire it) towards an exit strategy from pro sessions, especially anyone under 30. I want to see my slaves (well, everyone I know really!) fulfilled in profound and life-altering ways, and I try to let my dominance extend past the end of the session and echo into the days, weeks, and even months afterwards so that your life actually improves after you leave in ways you didn’t expect. In an ideal world you should always feel my guidance and care as you move through life, whether you’ve seen me recently or not. Kink is meant to be a net positive experience. It saddens me that some of you believe you won’t ever find a personal relationship that incorporates both sides of you. I LITERALLY believe that your dream partner(s) are out there waiting for you right now, and I dearly hope they manifest after you read this.

Here is a SURPRISING list of steps that will help you find your BDSM SOULMATE. It’s not necessarily easy, but you need to look at what YOU have been doing to get in the way of your own relationship happiness and then take the necessary actions to change your attitude. You won’t be sorry and will only benefit from this kind of deep inner analysis and work.

1. Adopt Radical Self-Acceptance. Your kink is not a weakness, it’s a strength. It’s not a caveat, i.e. “he’s a great guy, BUT…” Your kink is a gift, i.e. “he’s a great guy, AND…”. Interests like yours don’t make you just different, or even different-but-equal. You are different-and-better. I know: I’ve lived years on both sides. BDSM enthusiasts are the connoisseurs of sex. Your erotic life (with or without intercourse) is SO MUCH better than billions of others’ as a result of being sexually adventurous and will only get richer with time. You have passion, complexity and a sense of fun and you’re brave enough to explore your desires. Kudos to you: you’re part of the sexual elite.

2. Draw a Line in the Sand. Say outloud, right now, I REFUSE to settle for anything less than someone who accepts all sides of me. You have to know the perfect partner is out there for you–I’m sure you’ve thought about him or her before and what their core values and traits are. Lose sight of the visual and demand that your partner meet your requirements emotionally and mentally. You need to stop making exceptions and allowing partners into your life who either don’t accept your kinky side or don’t treat you with respect and care. It’s okay to long for it, by the way. Longing opens you up and makes you vulnerable. Don’t let it make you aggressive, pathetic or desperate, but if you are honest and surrender to your longing for a partner that longing will magnetize them to you. If you’re doing it right, this whole process should make you MORE confident, not less.

3. Tell Them Upfront. Mention it on the first date. Don’t wait. You don’t need to get into the gory details and should always exercise tact and decorum, of course, but there is no reason to be dishonest or lie about your kinky side in a dating context–not in the age of the internet, anyway! If they react negatively to what you say (as long as you’ve said it respectfully and not with the agenda of getting them to sleep with you or play with you immediately) then you should write them off and never call them again. I don’t care how hot they are. Find a way to put a positive spin on it and create intrigue if you’re attempting to convert a vanilla. For instance, a diehard foot fetishist might at some point say, “I would LOVE to spoil your feet sometime, and if you’ve never experienced that from someone you are seriously missing out. Shoe shopping, massages, kisses: what girl WOULDN’T want that?” Remember that your kink is a gift to the partners you meet. If they don’t want it, it’s their loss.

4. Get Out There. Meet them on OKC, Tinder, Fetlife, Whiplr, whatever! Go on three dates a week minimum. If you’re not seeing results within a month then chances are you need to revisit steps one through three.

As for me, I have met and had longterm relationships with some INCREDIBLY good looking kinky men on Fetlife, Whiplr, and through friends of friends and at parties. Just like you, I have had to work my way through all four of the steps above. Step one is by far THE MOST IMPORTANT. It’s taken me eight years, but I can finally say I love my kinks and think they are a huge gift to whoever I deem good enough to receive them. I’m pretty selective about who I date these days, and though I haven’t met my soulmate yet I know he’s out there and will come into my life at the perfect moment. In the meantime, I’m having an incredible time along the way! Dating is important, but remember: it ain’t everything!

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I was chatting with a cute 22-year-old slave the other day, and I happened to admit that I’m recently single (well, as of Valentine’s Day). He gawped, recovered, then mumbled something about a “mad, mad world.” Although I am indeed beleaguered day in and day out by adoring males due to my job, I explained to him that my personal tastes are actually quite “specific.” Meaning: unbearably high. As they should be for any intelligent, beautiful woman, in my esteemed opinion! But like everyone who has ever lived, there have been a few times in my life where the object of my affection has been, in fact, “just not that into me.”

Now, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me. Of course it bothers me. I think there’s at least 10 great reasons to date a ProDomme, and about 500 reasons to date me specifically. However, I know that my career brings with it a certain unique category of “issues” that any boyfriend is going to have to contend with. If a man is deeply confident, he won’t be threatened by the professional relationships with my clients, but how many deeply confident men do you know? Or deeply confident humans for that matter? They’re out there, definitely, but like a pair of Louboutins at half price they are rare indeed.

Cut to this morning, when I fire up my inbox to find an open letter from that same slave. He’s taken it upon himself to chastise the wayward Adonises of my lovelorn past! I found the letter so hilarious that I decided to post it here.

NB: I’m not ashamed of being single. It makes it that much easier to not pay for things.

 

To whom it may concern,

Throughout history man has shown many situations in which he has lacked good judgment and overall common sense. No group of individuals has confirmed this idea better then the group of sad fools that have, for whatever nonsensical reason, chosen not to exclusively date Mistress Darcy.  This is quite possibly the most ridiculous decision a human being could, or has ever made. I can not seem to comprehend how anyone could ever turn down an opportunity to be around this angel of a woman. Her body is perfect, and I cherish any opportunity to even catch a glimpse of it. At one time or another, each of you had been given the opportunity not only to spend a considerable amount of time with a stunningly beautiful goddess, but also to have sex with her!! If you fall into this group of morons, what exactly is it that has been clouding your judgment? Because it has to be something. It’s completely impossible that any heterosexual male in their right mind would turn down a chance to be with Mistress Darcy. The thought process and decision making of these men has left me utterly confused. The perfect female wants you and you’re not ready? What are you waiting for?  It doesn’t get better than perfect and it does not get better than her.

Sincerely,

An extremely perplexed admirer of Mistress Darcy

kinky couple

Although BDSM is becoming more and more acceptable in the mainstream, one of the top complaints from my slaves, and even many of my friends, is that they have a difficult time finding legitimate dating prospects who are compatible with their kinky interests. This grievance seems to be universal in the scene: I hear it from men, women, the transgendered, Dom/mes, subs, switches, the young, the old, the ugly, and the gorgeous. Case in point, I myself have been more or less single for most of my adult life–shocking, I know! There goes my reputation! I have a hard enough time finding people I even want to have a drink with, much less have sex with. Compound the basic frustrations and frivolities of normal dating with the extremely specific sexual triggers of BDSM, and your typical “dry spell” can easily stretch from months into years, with each passing day bringing less and less hope of meeting an acceptable partner.

Fortunately there are a whole crop of kinky dating sites popping up to help you explore your options in the scene. No matter what your kink is, there is now a place to meet likeminded individuals in a geographic location near you (especially Antarctica…there’s TONS of perverts there)! Thanks to the internet, there is no reason you can’t be out there meeting your fellow freaks every night of the week.

My go-to for many years was, of course, Fetlife. Although it has recently become somewhat watered down by horny vanillas and hedonists, it is still a great place to look for events and network with friends and acquaintances on the scene. I have met several great dates off of Fetlife, a few not so great ones, and many new friends who have in turn introduced me to their hot friends and colleagues. The best use of the site for me has been to help formalize the relationships I have started in real life–an asset which should not be underestimated. One of the biggest problems with being single is the impatience it breeds. If you can forget for a moment how desperate and lonely you are, you might find an event on fetlife that actually lets you have a little fun and (brace yourself) potentially meet a dating prospect in a traditional, “real time” setting. Loneliness reads online as easily as it reads in real life, so my suggestion is to not use Fetlife as an excuse to moan, but to take advantage of the networking tools it has and expand your social circle. And mine the event RSVP lists for fresh meat when you’re done.

Coming up fast on the tails of Fetlife is a site called iFet. It seems to answer a lot of the qualms that people have with Fetlife, and has an infrastructure that will support longterm growth and a very large user base. Although they haven’t launched their dating component yet, keep your eye on this site as a major resource down the line. Their events page, for instance, is a great place to find out about the important fetish events near you, not just lame backyard BBQs or “tickle a sadist” type holidays that have taken over the Fetlife events section. iFet has also started a ProDomme directory for anyone wanting to scratch the itch with a professional.

I recently found this Mistress and Dominatrix Dating site while randomly browsing online. It is part of a larger site called xxxsexguides.com which covers a lot of ground in the sex and kink world, from escorts to dating to transexuals. The format of their dating portion seems easy to use and pretty comprehensive, though I’m not sure how they are qualifying “Dominatrix”; it seems they may be thinking of any dominant woman or Mistress as a Dominatrix, which is not correct (Dominatrices are specifically professional dominants). Still though, they list some other microsites which seem like they have great potential: Mistress ContactsSubs And MastersSubmissive Planet and Meet BDSM are all fabulous ideas for niche dating sites. Some of the women’s profiles look pretty enticing, and it seems like a good meeting ground for lifestyle D/s practitioners who are seeking a relationship.

For those of you looking to take a gamble on the slot machine of compatibility, OkCupid has been around for ages. My understanding is the site’s dating pool is a lot better in England than the US, or at least the people I know in the scene in England who use OkCupid have a seemingly endless supply of sexy Ok-candidates. I know a few people in the states who have done well off of it, but there are a few things intrinsically wrong with the US setup. The pool in New York is so large, for instance, that it literally feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack (a cheesy, smarmy haystack from Long Island or New Jersey). You also have to do a fair amount of sifting as well, trying your best to read between the lines to find the kinksters hiding in plain sight. I personally love the challenge of “converting” vanillas, but the sheer volume of horny creeps and selfish egomaniacs online in NYC eventually turned me off of OkCupid forever. And then there’s the terribly awkward moment when you see someone you know from real life; because almost everyone has an OkCupid profile these days, it’s inevitable you will recognize someone–chances are it’s someone you would rather not see you. If you have a bit more patience, or live outside of NYC, or don’t mind the privacy breach, it may be worth the affordable monthly membership.

There are about a million other options out there, and it can be overwhelming thinking about all the different forums in which to meet people. I’ll give you a breakdown of the most popular ones and whether or not I think it’s worth your time. At one point I had a profile on CollarMe (which is being revamped and relaunched as KinkUnity), but I was so inundated with timewasters and groveling slaves that I shut my profile down; hopefully KinkUnity is a better site when it goes live. I was on Alt for about 24 hours before they kicked me off for being a ProDomme (I wasn’t advertising, but apparently they hate Pros!); I have heard good things about Alt, but mostly from swingers and middle-aged kinksters. I have heard success stories about Adult Friend Finder, though I have no experience with it personally. You can also try any of the other traditional, vanilla dating sites out there if you’re up for a round of “spot the kinkster” and don’t mind a ton of boring losers emailing you. I have managed to find a handful of hot open-minded men on Tinder and Sparkology, though I ultimately signed off for most of the same reasons that OkCupid bothered me. As for eHarmony and Match, I know a few couples who initially met off of those sites, but if you are in the NYC area I order you to not even bother with either. Finally, I need to give a quick shout-out to the ABDL’s here with a site called Diapermates; though I have never had a membership the premise is pretty self-explanatory!

It was mostly curiosity that inspired me to sample all of these dating sites for a few weeks at a time. However, with one or two exceptions, if they are pushing you to buy a membership I would say your money is better spent going to bars and parties with friends and networking the old fashioned way. I’ll be writing more soon about what it takes to get into a good headspace to meet your ideal kinky partner in real life, but if you are not quite ready to give up on online dating I wish you all happy hunting! Drop me an email if any of this helped you to meet someone special, or at least gave you the inspiration to stop compulsively masturbating and go outside for a few hours.

 

NB: I am not in a relationship at present, nor am I seeking one. After many years dallying about online, I am happy to say that all of my experiences now come from “real life.” Though my adventures in online dating definitely helped me figure out what I’m looking for, they helped me to also find value in NOT looking. I respect my time and energy a lot more now, and I am becoming increasingly discerning about who I see in my private life. In summary: kinky online dating HAS helped me. It helped me raise my standards! I have given up on the fantasy of meeting that “perfect match” online and now can focus my attention on creating real time connections and experiences which are, for me, far more satisfying.