BDSM Female Domination

Over the years I have seen many excitable slaves ruin their chances with a Dom/me by exercising poor protocol in his communications. You can be very enthusiastic when discoursing with a Dom/me; that’s a good thing. You can also be over-enthusiastic; that’s very bad.

Or rather, overenthusiasm is fine up until a point. That point is simply the level at which it encroaches on the Dom/me’s comfort zone. It is a very intense and delicate world we dabble in, and even Dom/mes have hard limits. It is imperative that you never forget you are part of a two-way relationship with thoughts and feelings on both sides. Anyone who neglects my boundaries is immediately and sometimes permanently blacklisted.

Femdom BDSM

Some of the basic offenses include:

  • Over-emailing. More than a one to one ratio of emails verges on the inappropriate, unless you have a VERY CLEAR signal from your dominant that you are “friendly” and “jokey” and that casual communication is acceptable.
  • Overly long emails. Don’t say in a paragraph what you can say in one sentence.
  • Graphic Detail. Communicating to me any gratuitous details about your body, practice, sexuality or fantasies, unless solicited by me, is a surefire way to make me delete your email and/or mute you on social media.
  • Inappropriate or too much social media interaction. If you’re unsure if you’re doing too much online, you can always ask a Dom/me if you need to tone it down. He or she will most likely give you the honest answer!
  • Sexual advances. This includes overtures outside a roleplay context or inappropriately intimate requests/conduct while serving in or outside of session.
  • Demanding Intimacy as a Personal Slave. Just to be very clear, this point regards personal slaves, not clients. Steering the relationship towards anything except service-based personal slave dynamics is something that I myself despise, though there are some Dom/mes who may wish to blur the lines emotionally or physically. However, you should always be aware of your Dom/me’s feelings and expectations upfront before beginning any sort of service arrangement. Communication will help you to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. “Contracts” of behavior and expectations between a Dom/me and slave can change, but you must honor the agreement as is until you renegotiate it.
  • Privacy Breaches. Violation of my privacy or infringement on my “real life” or private relationships is a massive red flag and is one of my hardest limits.
  • Emotional neediness. This point regards clients as well as personal slaves. In most cases (and I speak from experience) anything beyond a comfortable employer/employee standard of emotional intimacy between me and my clients starts to erode the relationship and experience. Personal slavery can be far more intimate, but it’s important to keep the nature of the relationship very clear. You can navigate in and out of “friend time” and “D/s time” but by and large it must be done so slowly and with great care if you don’t want to lose the high-voltage nature of a power exchange relationship.
  • Ineptitude. Chronic failure to complete tasks properly or in time, and/or multiple incidents of damage to my studio or property is a great way to not get asked back. There are many reasons that a person can become clumsy, ditsy or inept when in the presence of a Dom/me, so it is important to do whatever it takes to center yourself and allow yourself the privilege of serving. Self-sabotage is a silly thing, and I have seen many a slave with high potential lose out on a great relationship due to not feeling he or she deserves a quality Mistress, or that there is something inherently “wrong” with kink and thus some part of the slave does not wish to participate.
Femdom Protocol

From the gorgeous spread in W Magazine with Bruce Willis

Most of you will not fall into these traps just by design, but if you wish to serve me in the future you must ensure you do not do so out of forgetfulness or over-eagerness either. I suggest you study these tips and make sure your behavior is on point right now, with our communications so far (or your communications with other Dom/mes as the case may be).


A few guidelines on some basics in MANNERS to which submissives should adhere. Manners are a topic that is germane to D/s, yet one that is frequently overlooked in session. Most of these are directly applicable to vanilla life as well.

1. Say please and thank you. Even Dom/mes use this rule when they deem it appropriate. Example, “May I please phone you tomorrow morning to confirm our session?”

2. Do not call a Dom/me more than twice in 24 hours if you have not heard back, especially if you have already sent her a text message and/or an email.

3. Don’t text someone if you have never met them before. It speaks overfamiliarity and arrogance.

4. Try not to stare at your Dom/me, it contradicts the power hierarchy of a D/s relationship. If you do like to look him or her in the eye it should subside once they have you deep into session-mode.

5. Do not rest your hands on your hips (cocky) or cross them on your chest (defensive).

6. Attempt to clean up any mess you make by the end of a session, including body fluids or accidents/breakages.

7. Shower. For God’s sake, just shower.

8. Brush your teeth. If you have no opportunity for it use gum or a mint. Yes your Dom/me will notice and yes he/she will resent you for it if you be stanky.

9. Do not ask personal questions. For instance: exact age, weight, height, relationship status, anything about family, career, real name, etc. It is none of your business, and Dom/mes have as much reason for privacy as you do. If a Dom/me chooses to tell you about their personal life it is a GIFT so do not demand more information in the interest of “making conversation.”

10. If you have any doubts about whether a question or statement is appropriate, ASK TO ASK. Example, “Mistress, may I ask you a question please? Feel free to ignore it of course….”

11. Do not touch yourself in session unless your Dom/me gives you permission. Also, casually fiddling with yourself while carrying on a conversation is pathetic (in a bad way).

12. Don’t gossip about other people to your Dom/me, unless the information is strictly factual and used for the urgent benefit of your Master or Mistress. It is a very small world and rumors spread VERY quickly.

13. Don’t show up drunk or on drugs. Less manners more common sense.

14. Avoid groping and/or touching your Dom/me without permission. You’d think this would be a no-brainer, but I am shocked at how many times I have to nail someone in the balls when they get too friendly.

15. Don’t call your Dom/me by a pet name. Sugar, honey, darling, babe, dear, sweetheart, toots, sexy, little girl, princess, foxy, hot stuff and pretty little thing are all bad.

16. DO call your Dom/me by a proper title. Mistress, Miss, Ma’am, Madame, My Queen, Your Majesty, Goddess, Empress, and Supreme Being are all good.

17. Don’t ask your Mistress out. Please.

18. Don’t show up early and don’t show up late. Even 5 minutes can make a difference as many Dom/mes are extremely busy. Value our time more than yours, it can only improve your D/s experience.

19. Keep your phone and email handy the day of a session in case your Dom/me needs to get ahold of you.

20. Don’t try to be funny with your Dom/me. They are generally more adept at conversation than you anyway, and you are not there to be funny. You are there to give over control. All you have to do is listen and obey….the rest is up to us