Financial Domination.wm.square

The only thing that cools me off is cold hard cash.

I’m delighted to have been asked to be a speaker at the 2016 New York City Porn Film Festival. The Festival dates are June 4-5 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and there should be a broad assortment of fascinating pieces playing. The festival was quite controversial when it debuted last year, and although pornography itself is a very divisive subject, the festival will no doubt raise local (if not national) awareness about sex positivity and sexual expression.

I’ll be speaking about financial domination. Although not the focus of my D/s practice, it’s something I have experience in and which I’ve been interviewed for in the past for The New York Observer and other mainstream publications. I think financial domination is fascinating, and I’m excited to bring the subject of kink to a mainstream event like this.

One of the things I’ll be discussing is the crux of how and why giving money to a woman can be erotic, and why financial domination goes beyond transactionalism. There are many sides of financial domination, just as there are myriad aspects to the eroticism of most BDSM activities, and it’s one of those kinks that is so easy to write off as “extreme” without actually going deeper and understanding the dynamics of giving money and losing money.

Anyone interested in attending the New York City Port Festival can acquire tickets here.  If you’re interested in financial domination, please contact me appropriately here to start a conversation.

Darcy Ink Drawing.72Hello my fans and friends, I have an exciting announcement:

I have ONE new position open for a graphic design slave from anywhere in the world. He or she will be required to work for me a few hours a week remotely (varies week to week), answering to both me and my Executive Assistant. I have some exciting new projects in the works which require an expert eye, and I will only be able to hire one of the applicants.

All of my personal slaves who are a part of the recently formalized Team Darcy receive excellent care and guardianship. If you would like to join the ranks, and pass the interview process, you will be treated in the same manner. You must fill out a brief application for the position. Experience in Photoshop required; Lightroom, InDesign and social media experience a plus.

Some of the Graphic Designer duties may include:

  • Creating fan art
  • Website page layout
  • Watermarking photos
  • Designing memes
  • Photo retouching
  • Social media and design innovation
  • Brainstorm sessions on graphics and visual marketing
  • Culling photos and tweets from my social media archives

Please complete the first part of the application here. If you have questions about the role or position, or any problems with the application, please email servedarcy at gmail dot com.

Girls Laughing

Honoring boundaries is a crucial, if not THE crucial, part of kink. We’ve all heard the handy phrase, ‘the difference between BDSM and abuse is consent.’ It’s true. No matter how extreme you are you must still obtain tacit consent in every scene. Even consensual nonconsent requires an understanding of your partner to the point that you believe with very little room for error that they will ultimately benefit and/or consent to what you are doing at some point, even if they do not consent during the scene itself. For the purposes of this article, however, I will largely not be speaking to consensual nonconsent. Most kinksters aren’t ready for that kind of edge play, and so you can assume I’m speaking instead about the rest of the kink world.

Additionally, although submissives are usually the ones who complain about consent breaches, it is important to remember that Dominants have boundaries as well. Everything I say below applies to both Dom/mes and subs, and it is important for each partner to honor and respect the limits of the other no matter which side you’re on.

Any partner who does not honor your limits after you have communicated them *unless there is a very clear and sensible reason* is most likely not someone you should continue to scene with. Care is at the bedrock of BDSM, and we must each do our part to care for our partners, wether Dom/me, sub or otherwise.

BDSM consensual

Bring it Up 

It’s not fair to expect your partner to be a mind reader, although if you’re with a great partner he or she may sometimes be just that! Nevertheless, take responsibility for yourself and be clear about your limits upfront. Do NOT assume your Dom/me or sub will know your limits. There are no “standard limits,” and each person is different. What’s “light” for one player may be a “hell no” for someone else, with no rhyme or reason as to why. Varying degrees of sensitivity are what make BDSM so exciting and also so dangerous, so be sure to cover your bases every time!

Just because your partner does not ask does not mean you don’t have a responsibility to tell. Bringing a victim mentality into a scene is unfair to your partner and invites unnecessary pain and anxiety for you. Take the initiative and state your boundaries, whether Dom/me or sub. It’s the safe way to play.

If you’re a Dom/me, try to find a way to ascertain limits. Sometimes you might not want to ask outright (especially if you’re into heavy psychological play and mind fucking), but the more clandestine you are about assessing limits, the more certain you have to be that you’re not wrong.

Aftercare

Timing is Everything

By the time a scene has started it’s usually too late to respectfully (and sometimes even effectively) discuss limits, though of course if you leave it till then and wish to communicate your boundaries, you have no other choice but to do so in the heat of the moment. A Dom/me or sub has likely already put some thought into the scene and started getting excited about the potential activities therein. Most importantly, if you’re into any sort of psychological play, a Dom/me may very well need time to process your limits before the scene begins in order to adequately prepare their strategies and tactics. Derailing someone’s plans or passion when you’re mid-scene is at best inconsiderate, and at worst, a way to ruin the relationship.

The best time to discuss limits is before you are in the space for a scene. It’s important to be in a neutral, non-arousal state so that you can think clearly and be as articulate as possible about your needs. You also need to be able to listen to and respect the limits of your partner, and it can be hard to do so if you’re in the throes of subspace. If needed, you can email your partner a list before you meet, hand them a hand-written note before the scene has begun, or even schedule an in-person coffee or meal a few days before the scene in order to go over your limits in detail. A good dominant will want to get a sense for your mental landscape well ahead of time, in order to gauge how to best handle you.

If you don’t communicate beforehand because you’ve “forgotten,” and maintaining your boundaries in a scene is important to you, then you have a responsibility to convey them during the scene, and your partner has a duty to listen. It might be bad timing, but it’s better than not doing so at all. Your partner does not want to see you unhappy, and it’s not in anyone’s best interests to walk away from a scene having damaged the other person or created a net-negative effect on someone’s life.

BDSM etiquette

It’s Not What You Say But How You Say It

Ideally you have agreed to do a scene with someone because you feel you are, at a core level, compatible. Once you’ve established that, you’ve tacitly agreed to be open and respectful of each others’ limits as well. If you don’t jive with the person’s general kink interests, you should reconsider your reasons for wanting to play with him or her. If a person hates pain, for example, and you want to do a heavy corporal session with them, you need to know exactly what you’re doing and have a lot of experience in that sort of challenging “conversion” scenario. It’s not okay to “convince” someone away from their limits without either significant expertise or their consent.

No respectable Dom/me is going to insult your limitations or make you feel stupid for having them, as long as you have presented them properly. For instance, if you have a fear of soda pop and ask that soda pop never be used in a scene, you should make sure to preface it with, “I know this is ridiculous and illogical, so please bear with me, but…” That way you acknowledge the irrational nature of your limit and your Dom/me will be able to come to terms with it. We Dominants are actually great at plopping things in the category of ‘No Good Reason For This But Just Accept It,” and enjoy quietly laughing at your endearing weaknesses—they make you who you are, and you expressing your vulnerabilities makes us feel closer to you. Just make sure you bring each limitation up with utmost respect and, when appropriate, an apology.

Sub Drop

Good openers for subs:

“Ma’am/Sir, would it be all right if we talked about some no-go areas for me?”

“I’ve prepared a list of my hard limits, would it be acceptable to email it to you in advance, please?

“I’m afraid I have some rather ridiculous issues around ______, and I would love to be able to talk about it with you before we meet. Unfortunately _______ takes me totally out my good headspace, so I want to let you know upfront so that we don’t get interrupted.

“I’ve had some previous trauma with _______, and I would love to be able to tell you about it so that I’m not triggered during our scene. Is that okay?”

Good openers for Dom/mes:

“I will honor and respect your boundaries at all times, but I need you to know that I also have boundaries. Are you prepared to hear them?

“There are a few behaviors from submissives that really bother me. Can we talk about them? I don’t want you to make the same mistakes others have made in the past.”

“If you do _______, ________ or ________ the scene will end immediately. Do you understand?”

“I hate ______. Don’t do it. Ever.”

How Very

Discovering a Limitation

On occasion you will realize that something that was previously not a hard limit has become one. It is imperative that you communicate this to your partner as soon as possible, but that you also give it proper care and consideration in your language. The absolute worst time to figure something like this out is in a scene, but unfortunately that’s usually the time when it happens.

The most important thing is to understand your partner is not a mind reader, and that if you have a realization they do not necessarily know that. As far as they’re concerned, unless otherwise noted in your body or words, everything is hunky dory and okay to proceed as normal. If you are the one who has discovered new information, you are the one interrupting the scene. You therefore owe your partner an apology of some sort (whether inferred or literal), no matter whether you are Dom/me or sub. This is not so much a rule as basic etiquette. You would apologize if you changed social plans with a friend, why would you not apologize if you changed plans with an intimate play partner?

Consensual Nonconsent

Good openers for discovering a limit:

“I’m sorry to have to say this, but I have just had a revelation about ______. I don’t think I can do it, or at least right now. I’m so sorry to bring it up in the middle like this.”

“You have done nothing wrong whatsoever here, but I am feeling very uncomfortable with ______. I didn’t realize this until just now. I’m really sorry.”

“May I say something? It’s out of the blue, I know. I’m feeling really upset around ______ for some reason, would you be okay with doing something else for the time being and perhaps talking about this afterwards?”

Spitting Femdom

Resilience and Forgiveness

Having been recently inspired by The Dirty Gentleman’s events here in New York, as well as the high protocol D/s group that is known collectively as the Guild of Voluptuaries, I want to highlight the need for resilience. We don’t play with actual Gods and Goddesses, we play with other human beings. Human beings make mistakes. Constantly. You WILL make mistakes with people in the scene, eventually, and others WILL make mistakes with you. The key is to maintain compassion for yourself and for others, and remember to take ownership for your own communication and manners at every possible moment.

While there are certainly instances of abuse in our community, you should always background check the overall reputation of a play partner as best you can – not with second and third-hand information but with others who have ACTUALLY played with them. If someone has a load of play partners who have had bad experiences (and you have heard this FIRST-HAND), then perhaps reconsider whether it’s a good idea to play with them. Once you’ve signed on for a scene with someone, though, it’s your responsibility to follow proper etiquette around communicating your limits.

Hard Limits

If you deem someone cool enough to scene with, hopefully you also deem him or her of a worthy character (if not, don’t play with them!). If someone has worthy character, they will be willing to take responsibility for their mistakes and attempt to make amends should an error occur. Value resilience—your own and your partner’s—and make your own respectful communication top priority. You will significantly decrease the amount of bad experiences you have in so doing.

The goal is a net positive experience, on both ends. Maintain manners, communicate with courtesy, and your scenes will unfold safely, happily, and worry-free!

Femdom Classic
Mistress_Darcy_Stockings.wm.72

Starting today, I will be actively seeking out a few new team members for my stable of New York City slaves. The positions are for dedicated, service-oriented submissives who will make my life easier with their in-person service. Much like my remote team of assistants, admins, designers, etc, this locally-based team will work together to see that all of my needs are met here in New York. I should not have to ask that someone clean my place before I come back for a trip, or worry about whether I have a chauffeur to and from the airport.

My expectations will be high. For instance, I need assurance that someone is waiting to drive me home to a sparkling clean apartment. Ultimately I want to focus on my business endeavors and occasional social plans with friends and lovers, instead of menial tasks.

I am open to males, females, sissies, and everything in between, as long as you are loyal, dependable and focused on service to me over your kinks. To apply, you must have at least eight hours a week to dedicate to me, be it running errands, picking up packages or simply waiting / hoping for me to contact you while you cover an on-call shift.

CRITERIA:

  • 18 – 60 years old
  • Male, Female, Transgendered all welcome
  • Minimum eight hours a week to be dedicated to Mistress Darcy
  • Live and/or works within 60 minutes of New York City
  • Clean-cut, professional and presentable
  • Service-oriented and focused
  • Enjoys high protocol D/s service
  • Willing to collaborate with other team members

SKILLS NEEDED:

  • Chauffeur with own car a plus
  • Maid / Butler
  • Errand boy / girl
  • Meal planning / preparation
  • Shopping
  • Ebay listings / processing
  • Package pick-up / returns
  • Coffee delivery or preparation

To apply, send a polite email to servedarcy@gmail.com and request an application (to be completed via email).

Boston Dominatrix

NEXT BOSTON DATES: MAY 7-10

Overjoyed to announce I’ll be making monthly trips to Boston for the next six months as part of my world tour. I want to make sure to give you Boston boys and girls your fill before I close my doors to new clients in the fall.

Please fill out my online booking form to get on my radar.

I’ll be offering bondage, humiliation, cuckolding, forced bi, toilet training, deep psychological domination and D/s edge play, public scenes, corporal (canes, crops, floggers, whips), roleplay, and as much slave training and degradation as you can handle.

As always, staying in Central Boston: Back Bay, Beacon Hill or the Financial District. I require deposits on all sessions.

Femdom Woman Crotch

The rumors are true: I’m back in Boston April 2-4.

My trip was so enjoyable in March that I’ve decided to come back into town in April – for just a few days, before I set off traveling for the rest of the month. Fill out my online booking form now to get on my calendar!

I’ll have only enough time for a few sessions, so make sure you’re one of the lucky slaves who gets to see me.

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Exciting news, California! I’m back in LA April 11-13! Just a couple days, but enough time to see one or two lucky slaves. I’ll be staying in Venice Beach with access to any of the dungeons on the West side of town.

Please fill out my online booking form if you wish to make arrangements for the trip. I’ll have only time for a few sessions, so apply ASAP!

Femsub

Special treat for my London boys and girls – I will have a sub girl named Little Lunette available to join me for sessions on this trip and, most likely, all trips moving forward. She’s as gorgeous and as busy as I am, so be sure to book in advance.

Although Lunette’s limits are mostly the same as mine (no sex, oral, fluid exchange etc), she can take a hell of a beating. Alternately, you can watch me punish her and hope you don’t cum in your pants.

Please fill out my online booking form if you’ve not booked with me before. If you have, simply email me and mention you’re interested in a sub girl session with me and this gorgeous little girl. Looking forward to the adventures.

Double Domme Femdom.wm

I’m offering double Domme sessions in New York City with my good friend Goddess Aviva. If you’d like to set something up with one of us please fill out my online booking form, or email me if we’ve spoken before.

She and I are a wicked combination in session; most of our subs who experience the two of us together say they’ve never seen such chemistry. We’re both petite with amazing curves, and although it’s a bit embarrassing to admit, she might be an even bigger bitch than I am. Be sure to bring your best manners when you visit, and brush up on your foot massage skills for her as well.

While we both enjoy inflicting bondage, crossdressing, corporal punishment and the traditional fare of BDSM sessions, both Goddess Aviva and I are at our best when we’re utilizing hardcore D/s principles. This includes mind control, humiliation, behavior modification, high protocol, slave training, verbal restrictions, Goddess worship, and interrogation.

If you think you can handle us, I’ll be scheduling time at my studio with her as of mid-March. Oh and, slave girl available to boot (pun intended).

BDSM Female Domination

Over the years I have seen many excitable slaves ruin their chances with a Dom/me by exercising poor protocol in his communications. You can be very enthusiastic when discoursing with a Dom/me; that’s a good thing. You can also be over-enthusiastic; that’s very bad.

Or rather, overenthusiasm is fine up until a point. That point is simply the level at which it encroaches on the Dom/me’s comfort zone. It is a very intense and delicate world we dabble in, and even Dom/mes have hard limits. It is imperative that you never forget you are part of a two-way relationship with thoughts and feelings on both sides. Anyone who neglects my boundaries is immediately and sometimes permanently blacklisted.

Femdom BDSM

Some of the basic offenses include:

  • Over-emailing. More than a one to one ratio of emails verges on the inappropriate, unless you have a VERY CLEAR signal from your dominant that you are “friendly” and “jokey” and that casual communication is acceptable.
  • Overly long emails. Don’t say in a paragraph what you can say in one sentence.
  • Graphic Detail. Communicating to me any gratuitous details about your body, practice, sexuality or fantasies, unless solicited by me, is a surefire way to make me delete your email and/or mute you on social media.
  • Inappropriate or too much social media interaction. If you’re unsure if you’re doing too much online, you can always ask a Dom/me if you need to tone it down. He or she will most likely give you the honest answer!
  • Sexual advances. This includes overtures outside a roleplay context or inappropriately intimate requests/conduct while serving in or outside of session.
  • Demanding Intimacy as a Personal Slave. Just to be very clear, this point regards personal slaves, not clients. Steering the relationship towards anything except service-based personal slave dynamics is something that I myself despise, though there are some Dom/mes who may wish to blur the lines emotionally or physically. However, you should always be aware of your Dom/me’s feelings and expectations upfront before beginning any sort of service arrangement. Communication will help you to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings. “Contracts” of behavior and expectations between a Dom/me and slave can change, but you must honor the agreement as is until you renegotiate it.
  • Privacy Breaches. Violation of my privacy or infringement on my “real life” or private relationships is a massive red flag and is one of my hardest limits.
  • Emotional neediness. This point regards clients as well as personal slaves. In most cases (and I speak from experience) anything beyond a comfortable employer/employee standard of emotional intimacy between me and my clients starts to erode the relationship and experience. Personal slavery can be far more intimate, but it’s important to keep the nature of the relationship very clear. You can navigate in and out of “friend time” and “D/s time” but by and large it must be done so slowly and with great care if you don’t want to lose the high-voltage nature of a power exchange relationship.
  • Ineptitude. Chronic failure to complete tasks properly or in time, and/or multiple incidents of damage to my studio or property is a great way to not get asked back. There are many reasons that a person can become clumsy, ditsy or inept when in the presence of a Dom/me, so it is important to do whatever it takes to center yourself and allow yourself the privilege of serving. Self-sabotage is a silly thing, and I have seen many a slave with high potential lose out on a great relationship due to not feeling he or she deserves a quality Mistress, or that there is something inherently “wrong” with kink and thus some part of the slave does not wish to participate.
Femdom Protocol

From the gorgeous spread in W Magazine with Bruce Willis

Most of you will not fall into these traps just by design, but if you wish to serve me in the future you must ensure you do not do so out of forgetfulness or over-eagerness either. I suggest you study these tips and make sure your behavior is on point right now, with our communications so far (or your communications with other Dom/mes as the case may be).